Life in the Middle Lane

A few years ago I was listened to a sermon, and the pastor said something that has stuck with me for years. He said we shouldn’t refer to ourselves as financially “broke” because that suggests that you need to be fixed or that you have a long term problem.  Instead, he says that we should say something like “I currently don’t have any money” or “I’m currently underfunded” or something like that because that suggests that your plight is temporary one.

Over the years, I’ve don’t a pretty good job of being cognizant of the language that I use when I refer to my relationship with money.  And over the years, money and I have developed a pretty decent relationship. While I’ve had an occasional slip up where I’ve run out of money before I’ve run out of month, I correct myself quickly.

That is, until now. For whatever reason, money and I are not on good terms. I get paid and it seems like days later, I’m poor again. I know that this is partly because I spend all my saving in San Francisco, and partly because I was unemployed for almost three months, but those aren’t the only reasons.

The real reasons are that it’s been a long time since I’ve had a real paycheck, and I suck at keeping a budget and I have high class taste and a pauper budget. Sad but totally true.

In graduate school, at the beginning of each semester you get a HUGE check and are tasked with budgeting in a way to make it last the entire semester.  This I could do.  And I always had a least a part-time job which allowed me to buy more beer. Life was awesome.

Before graduate school I lived with my mother.  For most of the time I had a well-paid full time job and a part-time job I did for fun (or for tequila money).    I bought groceries for the house and did most of the cooking in lieu of rent, and I had few expenses.  I even managed to save a bit. Life was awesome.

Before that, I shared a really cheap apartment with one of my former classmates, worked at an extremely low-paying job and hated my life. My only indulgence was my kickboxing membership because after working with 21 screaming first graders every day I needed to hit something every day. I often had to ask my mom to bail me out. That winter I had the flu and missed a week (unpaid) from school. It was a TOUGH year.

So full circle, I’m completely responsible for feeding, clothing, and providing shelter for myself.  Even though I’m splitting the household bills with the GF, taking care of myself is not an easy task. In fact, I f-ing suck at it.

I’m frustrated because I know that I’m making more money now than I’ve ever made in my life but it doesn’t feel like it.  And I’m frustrated because I thought I would be making a LOT more money after graduate school. (Screw the Recession!!)

In August when I got my first paycheck, my instinct was to pay all the bills that were past due over the summer. Bad idea. Basically because I forgot that I needed to pay the rent. D’Oh!  By the second paycheck, I was reeling. How in the world am I supposed to live off this?

So I decided to create a budget.

September was better. I managed not to get any overdraft fees on my checking accounts and I’m under my limits on my credit cards, which is awesome. However, sometimes I look at my budget or my bank accounts and it still says that I have like 2 dollars in the bank. This makes me frustrated and sad. Sometimes I just open up my pretty little excel spreadsheet and stare. Where does all my money go? What expenses can I delete? Do I really need Groceries? Gas? My storage unit?

I don’t want to get a second job at this point in my life. In the past I worked two jobs to stay busy. Now I want to spend my evenings working out, writing, or hanging with the GF, not bussing tables and filling water glasses.

To live the kind of life I want to live, I’m going to need to be resourceful about my revenue streams. And I’m going to have to give something(s) up. Again, balance is important. I need to be responsible with my finances, on the off chance that someone down the line cares about that sort of thing. On the other hand, I want to enjoy my life and my money. I refuse to be a slave to my debt.

So what to do? I probably won’t be able to pay off my credit cards or car loan as quickly as I want. I’m probably going to have to give myself a higher deductible on my car insurance. I may need a forbearance or deferment on my student loans. I’m going to have to store all my junk at home rather than rent a storage unit, and I’m going to have to be a more frugal grocery shopper.

Bottom line, I’m not going to let money rule my life.  We just gotta get back on good speaking terms.

How do you manage your monthly finances?

I love McDonalds hot fudge sundaes. They’re cheap and they often hit the spot when I need a fix for my sweet tooth. The only problem is that McD’s only puts the chocolate sauce on top of the ice cream.  Sometimes without thinking, I eat ALL the chocolate in my first few bites and am left with a cup full of vanilla soft serve. I hate plain vanilla soft serve.  Since I’m a pro at eating these sundaes, I’ve learned to savor the chocolate to avoid the disappointment of “no chocolate” midway through my sundae.

Yesterday, I got a real sundae from a real ice cream store and I came upon a real conundrum. I was so busy savoring the chocolate at the top of the sundae that I didn’t notice all the chocolate (and CARAMEL!!!) at the bottom of the sundae. By the time I got to the end of the sundae, I had lots of fudgy yumminess and not enough ice cream. I had to go into my stash of frozen whipped cream to finish off my dessert.

As I enjoyed the final bites I was reminded—Life is all about balance. And the ice cream to fudge ratio. Too much (or too little) of either can ruin a sundae.

 You may or may not know that I have been away for the past few days on a Chamber of Commerce trip to Ann Arbor. Today was the first and only day that I’ll be in class this week.

I didn’t blog while I was away (I was too busy talking to folks and generally getting into trouble).

For the next few days, I’ll be decompressing and analyzing my experience and hopefully, I’ll find the time to share all the really cool stuff that I got to see and do. I’m also planning to cross-post on OrangePolitics, so that folks in Orange County that didn’t get to go on the trip get to hear my perspective on the Ann Arbor Inter-City Visit.

On a slightly different note, I am feeling a little overwhelmed with my life. The Ann Arbor trip took 3 complete days out of my life. Those were days that I missed class, and didn’t do any reading or research. Those three days left me completely tired and wanting to go to bed immediately. Those were three days that I half-checked my email and I am still not finished getting back to folks. (If you emailed me between Friday and today, I may not have gotten to you yet)

Bottom line, I’m in grad school, I work two jobs, and I blog 2-4 times a week. I have a lot going on, and I’m not willing to let anything go. Everything that I am currently involved in are things that are really important to me, and it’s worth my sanity to stay involved. I think I almost prefer it this way.

Maybe being slightly overwhelmed is going to be the standard for my life. Maybe this is one of the drawbacks of having varied interests. I do a little bit of everything, and I’m the only one who can see the pattern of how it all fits together.

When I think of all the things I have to do, I have to remember to take deep breaths and keep it together. I have to believe that everything is going to be ok. Otherwise, I may start crying and never stop. And I can’t do that since this coming weekend I’m going to a conference in Richmond where I will be blogging and networking and finding a job. (*sign. Why do I keep signing up for these things? I love it, that’s why.)

Two conferences two weeks in a row will leave me even more behind. And even more stressed. And even more crazy. I have research to do and papers to write and presentations to give! But I go to these conferences and I participate through blogging because it is important to me.

In Richmond, I’m going to pass out my resume, and someone is going to offer me my dream job. It is going to happen. The Universe and I have been talking again.

Happy Hump Day!