Check it: I looked into my crystal ball, and I saw that 2009 is going to be awesome (for all of us, but for me especially).

Last year, when I was myspace blogging, I made a big deal about the New Year and setting goals, not resolutions, and blah blah blah. Even this past fall, when the semester started, I took some time to set some goals. (Some of which I have done NOTHING about)

As I’m looking down the barrel to 2009, my brain starts ticking off stuff for the upcoming semester and the year. (Get a job, get my portfolio together, finish my thesis, prepare for a change, spend time with my friends and classmates, start my business, learn to swim, self-host this blog).

But my heart says, Oh, f*ck it. Can’t I just chill out and see what happens?

I’m not saying that goals suck and we shouldn’t make them (maybe I am???) What I mean is – If we really look deep within ourselves we know what the hell we need to do. Do we need to take the next step in our career? Step out on our own? Lose weight? Exercise? Eat healthily? Finally get our teeth cleaned?  Do we need to slow down? Spend more time with our loved ones? Concentrate on self-care? Get a life?

Whatever it is I (and you) need to do, WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!! Duh, it’s probably staring us in the face.

My problem, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, isn’t knowing WHAT I need to do. It’s the doing of it that trips me up.  I get scared or anxious or doubtful or LAZY and I cop out.

And that is unacceptable.

So I’m not going to make a never ending list of new goals or resolutions or whatever you want to call them.

I’m just going to make one.

Do the things I know in my heart I need to do.

No matter how scared I get or how crazy it seems or what other people think.  Some things I just KNOW I’m supposed to do.

So this year, I’m just going to f*cking do what my scattered little brain wants and I’m not going to over think it.

And as I write these words my brain says, but wait, you need to plan, you need to think, you NEED to worry…. and I feel the old self-doubt and anxiety pitter pattering through my chest.

SO I take a deep breath and acknowledge that this sh!t ain’t gonna be easy. But it is necessary. Didn’t Tupac say, “I don’t want it if it’s that easy”?

Otherwise, what would be the point? I believe that is would almost be stupid to add “Complete MPA school” or “Get a job” to my 2009 goals.

Why?

Because those things are not OPTIONAL. They are GOING to happen. It’s a wrap.

But I haven’t always followed my heart (or exercised, for that matter). So I’m going to concentrate to those things that I have let fall by the way side. (ahem, me!!!)

(Aside: I heard somewhere that it takes a month to form a habit. So if I resolve to do the things I know I should, by February I should be good. )

So yeah, the crystal ball said it was going to be a super awesome year.  Can’t you feel it!!!?!?!?!?

Hello! Obama is going to be inaugurated, and W is headed back to Texas. That alone is a major achievement.

And

Recessions are hotbeds for innovation, so even though the economy is sh!t we need this time renew ourselves (like when the forest burns down, then it regrows as a more diverse ecosystem)

And

We get another year to grow and live up to our full potential; proving that we can be better than our former selves.

Yay for us!

Happy New Year, party people!

Tell me what your 2009 goals/resolutions are AND what are you most looking forward to in the OH NINE.

Tomorrow is December 5th! You know what that means?!?!?!? The last day of the 3rd semester of MPA school! YAY!

SO today, I’m going to introduce someone who is super special to me. The GF is gracing us with her presence and has composed the last in this series of guest posts. (Yay for me getting lots of work done!)

Eysqueen is one half of the creative chaos that exists at Cubicle Crusaders, and is a cube captive by day, superhero by night (her words, not mine, lol).

Enjoy!

-M-

PS: I’ll be writing again next week. I hope you’ve missed me!

For some of us do-gooders out there, we learned the hard and dirty way that the corporate America that was fed to us in childhood isn’t a one size fits all.  We tried it, we did it, we may have even succeeded at it, and then we got over it.  We learned that “money, power, and respect” makes a catchy lyric in a hook, they even taste good in our cereal, but nothing can satisfy that void we have within ourselves that seems to grow every year that we aren’t doing what we are meant to do.

My void started the day I checked the box that said “Computer Science” on my college application.  It was a little void, something the size of a period.  No biggie.  I managed to patch up the void by my second semester when I filled out the form to change my major to “Art/Visual Communications”.  Yeah I was on track after that, void filled, right?

Not so much, as I pimped myself into concentrating in graphic design.  The void grew by leaps and bounds as the pimping turned into manufactured pimping by companies using my talent for their commercialism.  Okay I started to step on my soapbox about corporate America killing the artist.  I’m not ready to stand that tall yet, so I’m stepping back down.

So anyway, I ran from graphic design as fast as Marion Jones without the enhancements (I still believe she was set up and is still one of the fastest women in track and field).

I floated around and found myself in places, doing things that I didn’t know I was good at nor had any previous desire to do. I accidentally found my purpose while flipping the bird to “the man” and corporate America.  I did something that wasn’t glamorous, that didn’t pay well and was all around thankless from the outside looking in.

I taught computer technology to children with behavioral problems.  Talk about a challenge!  But the challenge wasn’t them, it was me.  I’m known for not liking kids, I’m known for shying away from teaching, I’m also known for rising to the occasion and flexing my skills when slept on.  Basically I did it, and I liked it.

Happy ending, right? So I got my teaching license and am living the dream? That would be the easy way, my fellow readers, and easy doesn’t make for a good blog.  No, I got lured back into corporate/ government by the big bucks I had the potential to make by teaching adults computer technology, instead of children.

I was going to be a superstar technology trainer. I was going to have the super big office, and the newest toys.  I worked my way to the top, but I didn’t have the strength to reach far enough because of the void.  The void sucked up my muscle tone. I’m all fat and hot air now.  I stopped exercising my talents; I opted for the easy way, which was not the best way for me.

However, I’m still young, and I have a lifetime of mistakes and oopsies left in me.  I’ve been saving up while doing my time in my “safe” profession.  I’m so ready to make more mistakes and just live.  Being in the wrong field has helped me to concentrate on what is important to me, what I value, and what happiness looks like.

For me, happiness is not corporate America.  Happiness is being in the trenches shaping the mind of a future adult.  Happiness is flowing creatively, and painting and writing.  Just for me, not for a corporate dream.

Happiness for me is living life everyday and doing something that means something.

I am an artist and I reject the cube life.

I want to be my own boss and work with kids and be a counselor and be 4 other different things all in one lifetime.  And anyone who has a problem with it can swivel their ergonomic computer chair to one of the 3 walls in their cube and take a time out to think about how wack they are.

And anyone who applauds, I’ll see you at the coffee shop with the rest of the idea makers, first round of lattes on me!

The semester from hell continues. But it will be over on December 5th! Yay! If I can make it through this week, I promise myself that I will never to this overloading sh*t again.

In the meantime, a cool chick whose blog I love has blessed me with a guest post which is awesome since otherwise I would have had to take time away from my studies to keep some semblance of a normal posting schedule, and there is a huge possibility that anything I write in this state of mind is going to be crap, anyway.

Nisha is preventing you from reading my crap. Thank her.

-M-

Recently I saw a post on one of my favorite blogs which demonstrated an unheard of level of transparency — she wrote about her relationship, which prompted a series of comments including one from her mom, her boyfriend’s mom, and her boyfriend’s brother.

I had to think about that for a second. My parents don’t read my blog. When I had a boyfriend, he definitely never read my blog. Most of my close friends in college don’t read my blog.

Why? Because I haven’t told a single one of them about it.

I’m still paralyzed by the fear of what they would say if they saw it. They don’t get it. A blog, I can hear them say. They would think it was lame, and strange to have conversations with people I haven’t met in real life. But they’d still read anyways. And then I’d be forever paralyzed by the fact that now, so-and-so is reading so I can’t really write what I really think. That is exactly the reason I ended the last two blogs I had: because too many people I knew in real life were reading them.

So all that begs the question: why is it so much easier for us to share ourselves with complete strangers on the internet than with our own loved ones?

Maybe it’s the anonymity of the internet, and the availability of support. Blog readers are a self-selecting group, so it’s easy to find readers who like what you have to say, and easier to disregard the haters because, after all, they’re just names on a screen, hiding somewhere in cyberspace. They’re not your best friend or your mom.

We all live our lives in neat, separate little compartments: there’s work me, and school me, and online me, and relationship me, and family me. It takes courage to break up the compartments and live one transparent life. I doubt any normal person has that kind of courage naturally.

It means your employers could google you and see your personal blog. It means admitting when you’ve messed up, and sharing your flaws and deepest insecurities with the world. It means admitting your goals to the world too, and dealing with it when they hold you accountable. It means your ex might know all your thoughts about your breakup.

It means you can’t control what people are going to think of you, so you have to let go of it. It means take-me-or-leave-me, and leaving it up to people to decide. And then comes the scary part: you might be yourself, and they might leave you. They might mock you. And it might suck. Part of me worries about that everyday.

But lately I’ve been thinking: so what? Maybe we’re better off without those people. Has any successful person ever made it to where they are without losing a friend or two on the way up? Recently I watched a speech by Loren Feldman, where he discussed blogging: “When you put your heart, and your intellectual thoughts, and your emotions out there for people, you’re gonna get beat up for it, and for a number of reasons. The first reason is, most people don’t have the balls to just say what they feel and say what they mean. That’s very scary to a lot of people. Just the fact that you do have the wherewithal to express yourself….a lot of people are going to be intimidated just based on that fact.”

If you find yourself being one person online and on your blog, a different person with your college buddies, a different person with your parents, and another person with your work friends, are you asking yourself why? That’s the question I’ve been asking lately, and it’s yield surprising results. It’s made me start to realize: who cares? It takes baby steps, but it’s easier than I thought to care less and less what people think of you and start living transparently. It doesn’t happen overnight. It won’t be easy. It will sometimes be a struggle, especially for those of us who are accustomed to caring what everyone thinks. But transparency means finally being free to be you no matter what, it means you finally get to quit hiding and casting off the chains of what other people think- and it makes you a whole lot stronger. That is worth a little struggle.

Nisha Chittal is a writer, blogger, and political junkie. She will be graduating with a B.A. in political science in May 2009 from the University of Illinois and plans to pursue a career in Washington. She’s not sure what yet, but it will include her being in the nation’s capital!

Her blog is Confessions of a New Junkie.

I’m applying for a fellowship that requires that I write a personal statement.  In a week or two, I’m actually going to post the final product.

I’ve had to write a few personal statements over the years, for undergrad, and during the application process for law school and graduate school.  Each personal statement is a little different, and I like to draw on different experiences to create a vision of myself that makes people want to pick me for their program.

In this case, my personal statement is a big component of whether I am accepted into this fellowship program.  And entrance into the fellowship program will open doors for multiple interviews with local governments throughout the United States.  It’s kind of a big deal, and I want to show myself to be the awesome leader that I am.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking (more than usual) what it means to be a good leader, and I am always on the lookout for my leadership in action. Today, I was able, within a 20 time span to get a glimpse of Monica-The Leader.

The following conversations with my classmates simulated (in my mind at least) what I would be like as a manager.  The personal insight into these conversations also made me realize how much I depend on my soft skills. They reminded me of the importance of context when making decisions. And it brought to my attention some potential weaknesses in my leadership style.

A classmate in another department called me and said the following:

Him: Monica, I’m exhausted. I’ve been working on blah, blah, blah project and I really want to go to bed. Do you know of anything happening in class today that I NEED to be there for?

Me: Honey, I don’t know what we are doing in class, but it doesn’t matter. Go home. Go to bed, if anything important happens in class, I’ll send you an email.

Him: I thought that would be your answer, that’s why I called you (instead of our other classmate, S).

Me: Ha! You knew I would give you a pass! Hmmm, what does that say about me…. Okay, love, go home, sleep well.

Then I had a conversation with another classmate about a problem she was having getting in touch with a government hack. She asked me for guidance and advice.

Her: I’ve been trying to get in touch with this government bureaucrat about XYZ policy for a paper I’m writing, but he isn’t responding to my email. It’s weird, he responds to my other email about other stuff. We’ve been corresponding for weeks.

Me: He doesn’t want to talk you about xyz. XYZ policy, if implemented, will increase his workload.  If you want to talk to him, you have to call him and bully him into telling you what he thinks about XYZ. He’s not going to respond to your email on this topic. You also need to come to terms with the idea that he won’t talk to you about this. It’s too much of a political hot potato for him.

Her: If my finding is that the government employees don’t want this policy, then it is going to make someone angry.

Me: You are going to make someone angry. Get used to it and get over it. It’s your job to get the truth, not to worry about who gets mad about it.

These conversations made me think about what kind of leader am I? Am I the kind of leader that shows compassion for folks (even when I suspect that my classmate was up late last time because he waited to the last minute to get something done).

Or am I the kind of leader that expects folks to suck it up, and do what they are supposed to do, and make the tough decisions?

Hmmm.

Empathy

Reflecting on how my classmate in the first conversation made me reevaluate how others see me.  I generally see myself as a hard-ass. I even had a professor (or two) comment on how they wouldn’t want want work for me.  I demand excellence, in myself and in others. And I don’t give breaks….or do I?

Thinking that I could potentially be seen as a softie was a huge blow to my perceived management style.  But when I think about how I deal with real people, I see a myriad of examples where I cut other people slack. (Maybe I’m not such a meanie, after all)

I apparently have a huge capacity for empathy – when the situation warrants it.  I have often found myself, the day after pulling an all-nighter, needing to go home and recharge.  I understood his situation, and I knew that it would be better for him (and me) if he got some sleep today.

In the real world, would I have been so forgiving if it were female employee telling me her kid was up all night sick and she needed to take some time off? Of course.

What if an employee took a day off to play video games? Probably not.

Intuitiveness

On the other hand, in the second situation, I wasn’t willing to let my classmate off the hook. I knew it was in the best interest of her paper to get the truth from that government hack.  I knew he was ignoring her because she was asking a question that he didn’t want to answer.

I was able to motivate her to keep digging and I was able to read between the lines quickly to figure out what the issue was and give her suggestions on how to go about fixing it.

Soft Skills

Leadership is more than having the right answer. It is more than being the best at Excel or some fancy design software or being able to do the best regression analysis.

Leadership comes down to people.

I worry that as I apply for jobs, my strengths, those soft skills like intuition and empathy, aren’t going to be as well received as some other MPAer how spent the last year and a half actually learning statistics, and excel and GIS. (bleh)

I spend the last year and a half learning about people. I’ve learned how to motivate and negotiate. I’ve learned how to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of others (and help others to be successful). I’ve learned how to connect differing ideas into a workable plan. I’ve learned how to deal with weirdo personalities. I’ve learned how to pick good team members, and when that fails, I’ve learned how to work in the most jacked-up team ever. I’ve learned to listen and give good advice.  I’ve learned to do small talk, and get people to like me.

And when it all boils down, people like me should will be running the show anyway.  As my colleagues and I make our way up the career ladder, it won’t take long to separate the idea leaders from the task leaders. (And there is nothing wrong with being a task leader. You just shouldn’t be leading people. You should be doing your tasks.)

But I truly consider myself a big idea person. I don’t care how something gets done. Just do it.

So when interviewers ask me about my strengths the challenge for me will be, not only tell them my strengths, but also why those skills matter. And why they should hire me. Immediately.

I mean, anyone can learn budgeting or finance or statistical analysis, but not everyone can deal with people.

For a couple of months, I’ve been toying with the idea of developing an on-line networking site.  I’ve spent countless hours (when I probably should have been working on my studies) thinking about the different aspects and features of my very cool networking site.  I multi-tasked in class looking at different software that I could use to develop it. I thought about domain names, and mission statements, and how to build a business brand (or at least a non-profit) around my idea.  Like everything I do, I obsessed about it.

So.

Here’s my idea. Or the story behind my idea.

2 weeks ago I listened (or pretended to) to a lecture by a government hack who was talking a group of other government hacks (and future government hacks, i.e. MPAers) about the way we Gen Y and Millennial (and Gen X to a certain extent) MPA, MPP degree holders manage our careers.

His main points:

We change jobs frequently. We aren’t attached to a job title, an organization or a boss.  If something better, more fun, more interesting, more engaging comes along; we bounce like a bad check.  On to bigger and better things. (This is not a surprise to anyone under 32.)

We change sectors frequently. We don’t particularly care if we work for non-profits, governments (local, state or federal), or the private sector or ourselves. And at some point in our careers, most of us will have worked for a combination of these entities.  Most of us are in it to make a difference, change the world, start a revolution-otherwise we would be getting MBA’s and not MPA’s. And chasing the almighty dollar.

Ahem.  That is the back story.

This is the front.

I am looking for a work opportunity and I want to expand my professional work-related network. I would say I want to start my career but that sounds so stick in the mud and is so.not.me. I would say I’m looking for a job, but “job” sounds hard and boring and I don’t want work to be hard, I want it to be fun, engaging and I want to contribute to the welfare of my fellow man, dammit.  And I really don’t care who I work for.

And I figured there are lots of others just like me, graduating with a MPA, MPP, Political Science, Social Policy, blah blah blah degree but not really looking to be a cog in someone else’s wheel. And I know there are other young professionals and recent grads just like us who are trying to get off the bureaucracy bandwagon and actually DO something useful.  Even if it’s just for volunteer.

And then I thought, Wouldn’t it be fun if we all (all the world changers, in all job sectors, around the world) had a place where we could meet, greet, exchange ideas, talk about available jobs, share our work/war stories (horror and other) network, chit chat, build a community, make a difference, help each other and save the world (and the whales)?

My networking site could be a hub for all the sh!t that I think about when I’m sitting in class learning (supposedly) how to affect organizational change or read a regression line.

Today my school sent me a survey, no doubt sponsored by the government hack from the beginning of the story, and it listed some of the best known on-line social media outlets (myspace, facebook, linkedin, blogs)  and asked the question, which of these do you utilize  most? I scrolled down to the bottom of the list, because, of course, I use them all and I want pick the other box so I can add twitter (and ping) and when I get to the bottom I see a website that I have never heard of.

Like all things internet related, I must know what this mysterious, unknown website is……

And damn if it’s not my f*cking idea!  Just in case you, like me, have been living under a rock, apparently, and have never heard of this site; it is Idealist.org and it is pretty f*cking cool.  I’m just mad I didn’t think of it first. Dammit.

Now I have to think of another big idea. Sh!t.

Power Dyke: A Power Dyke is a lesbian who has gained a position of power, either within the LGBTQ community, or in the world at large. She could be the head of a non-profit agency, a politician or successful in business.

This is going to be me one day.

One day, my picture will accompany this definition.  

I’m going to be all three (business woman, non-profit leader, f-ing awesome politician)

Wish me luck, cheer me on.

Here are some other fun lesbian definitions.

In MPA school we spend a lot of time talking about public policy and how policy affect public administrators and since my class is a pretty liberal crew we discuss our opinions with each other ad nausem. In this most historic American week of my lifetime, Barack Obama was elected to be our 44^th president (Yay) California banned gay marriage (boo), and in the most boring Public Administration conference ever I learned that America is indeed in a recession and it will probably get worse before it gets better (Argh!!!).

So, today, I will answer 2 questions that I have been asked over and over and over… and one question that I asked on Twitter that no one took the bait on.

1. What do you think about the Obama Victory?

I am super excited that Barack Obama was elected President. Why, you asked?

Because this was the first presidential election that my baby sister has ever voted in (she’s 18), and I wanted her to have a positive experience.

Because lots and lots of people who have never voted before took part in our political system (and the system f-ing worked!!!!)

And not only did he win, he BLUEd up some states. North Carolina, Indiana, Florida, some other midwestern states that I can’t think of!!!! I am so proud of my country right now. America rocks!

Obama (whether you like him or not) inspires people. He has restore hope and optimism to a bunch of cynical, hard-hearted, apolitical Americans and  I hope to see more good people entering politics because of him.

He has restored the WORLD’S faith in America. His election proves that Americans aren’t as stupid as I (and every other country on the planet) thought they were in 2004.

He and Michelle are just so f-ing cool! I really just want to be their friend and chil-lax in the White House having conversations, babysitting the girls and hanging out with the family.

This is the first presidential election that I have ever voted in where the guy that I voted for won.

This is the first election that I think people 18-35 had a candidate that they could truly relate to and believe in. Gens X, Y and millennials actually made a difference. Several of my best friends has been working TIRELESSLY for the Obama campaign and I KNOW that their efforts made the difference.

The election of Obama signifies the end of an era and I am so glad to see it go.

(****notice that none of my reasons have to do with him being a Black man****)

And a follow up: This historical election is one of those things where people ask, “Where were you when Obama got elected?” Here is my answer: When CNN and NBC called the election for Obama, I was at home sharing the experience with the gf (over the telephone). In one moment the news anchors were talking, and then all we heard was screaming.  I was indisposed at the moment (in a unspecified location in my house, ahem) and couldn’t get up to see what the screaming was about. Luckily the gf was able to tell me that Obama had won. I couldn’t believe it. I’m still a little in shock.

2.  What do you think about the passage of California’s Prop 8 that bans gay marriage?

I am so disappointed at California. California has always been a beacon of life to a little lost black girl like me. It also seemed like the one place where all the people who were a little different, a little alternative, and little (or a lot) less normal could go and be accepted and thrive.  I have to rethink California now. And it makes me a little sad.

And I sit and think, how can the country, on the one hand, elect Barack in a landslide and then other the other, (in arguably most liberal state in the country) vote to ban gay marriage. I’m so confused and sad.

I mean, everything happened on the same ballot, so logically it follows that a lot of the people who voted for Obama voted for the ban. Right? What the f*ck is up with that?

Let’s assume for a moment.

Lots of Black people can out to vote for Obama. Could it be that historically oppressed Blacks voted to oppress another segment of society? Have they forgotten that equal and separate is NEVER really equal?  Have they forgotten that it took a coalition of Blacks and whites to affect change for Black people?

Homosexuals need our straight brothers and sisters to stand up for and with us if we are going to emerge from this constant battle of 3 steps forward, 2 steps f-ing back. *Sigh. This just reminds me of why I hate incrementalism.

Of course, I don’t know who actually voted for Prop 8, but lots of people seem to think it was people of color .

3.  Does the bust always follow the boom?

Economically speaking, it sure as hell seems that way. Every time someone explains economic policy, in terms of the current crises and the recession, I see a pattern Boom.Bust.Boom.Bust.Boom.Bust. The little squiggly lines on economic graphs show cycles of good and plenty, followed by deep dark recessions. In my life, I saw the dot com boom and bust and now the housing boom and bust.

For once I’d like things to be on a little flatter line. I think that a flat line would indicate folks having enough money (and nice nest egg savings) without the rampant consumerism that seems to drive the high boom.

Essentially, what goes up must come down.  So, if we never have those super high times, then we don’t have the far to fall.  Hence, no bust.  (this is all in my completely unprofessional non-economic opinion, of course.)

Happy Friday, party people. Be E-Z

Yesterday I got paid the most awesome compliment. Last night my girls and I went to an after-work social mixer and some guy told my friend (I paraphrase)

Monica has a super awesome personality and such a spectacular positive attitude

He also said some other stuff that I can’t remember, but he pretty much he recognized my complete awesomeness and we had only talked for a few minutes.

People often recognize my awesomeness right off the bat. They can’t help it, my awesomeness seeps from my pores.

Some people don’t have it so easy. For some, it is not the case that their coolness is on display for the world to see. Sometime cool is a little deeper below the surface.

Some people actually get better with time.

I met someone recently and I remember that during the initial conversation I remember thinking, “This blows. Just keep nodding and smiling and get this over with as soon as possible.” It was horrible. It made my head hurt. I even got a little dizzy.

Luckily, I was forced to interact with that person again, and in time I realized that that they weren’t the weird lame-o I thought they were.  They were funny and relatively cool. And I never would have known that had I not been forced to continue interacting with them.

Some people need time to warm up.

Everyone can’t be super f-ing awesome right from the beginning. (I mean, then everyone would be as cool as me.)

Maybe it’s shyness, maybe it’s nerves, maybe my beauty is intimidating, or maybe they just gotta get comfortable and find their rhythm. All I know is, I almost missed out on something really cool because I was ready to write this person off.

Usually I’m pretty good about distinguishing lame-oes from the shy, nervous ones. I’m usually a great judge of character, but this time, my impatience got the best of me.

Oh, well. I never said I was perfect. But most times I can tell. Sometimes I (and you) just know. Sometimes people are idiots.

And all the warming up, all the forced interaction, all the patience  in the world doesn’t change a thing.

Some people just suck.

I have been friends with someone for YEARS and 6 times out of 10 they make my head hurt. I believe s/he is a complete moron, they are negative and they sometimes just aren’t fun. I am totally convinced that suck-i-ness is just a part of her/his personality.

And still we remain friends. I get some enjoyment out of this person in spite of the suck-i-ness.

However, there are times when there is no enjoyment, no happiness, no light to be found. And that’s when I throw in the towel.

Some people are complete assholes

I know this guy who is the most horrible person. And he pulls women like rabbits out of a hat. Then when he gets these beautiful, professional, intelligent women where he wants them, he treats them like sh*t. He cheats, he manipulates, he uses.

And still he has so many hangers-on. Every time one women gets some sense and leaves, he’s got a revolving door of lovelies just waiting to fall in line.

I hate him (b/c he’s an @ss) and I’m jealous (‘cause these women are GOR-GEOUS).

My point?

Bottom line; there are a lot of people in this world. Some of us are more than means the eye. It’s important that we seek out (or at least watch out for) these oft overlooked gems.

But there are some unfortunate souls who look good on the surface and are rotten underneath.

Some people might like @ssholes. To some, the rotteness, idiocy or just plain boring-ness that I see might be just what the doctor ordered.

I don’t get it, but there it is.

Every day I learn something about the other homo sapiens who roam this planet.

This weekend, I was just reminded that you can’t judge a book by its cover. And like I told somebody (one of the times this weekend when I was running my mouth)  this world, it takes all kinds. Even the @ssholes.

Today, tomorrow, and Tuesday I’m in Richmond, VA at the ICMA conference bullying city and county managers (and a few stray recruiters and consultants) into giving me a job.

I have talked my @ss off today. I have met so many people, received so many cards (I don’t have any dammit!). Now it’s 10 pm, and the introvert in me is very tired. I don’t want to talk to anyone for a while.

Since 10 am I have been ON. Smiling, smoozing, hob-nobing, whatever and but by 8pm, my feet (in 3 inch heels) were DONE. I couldn’t bring myself to have a meaningful conversation with another person. All I was willing to talk about was how tired I was and how I wanted to go back to my room.

However, it has been a great day. And I wrote a cool post (I think) about some of what I learned today.

You can read it all here. But here are some highlights.

I attended two great sessions. The first was a Speed Coaching session where seasoned managers talked to us newbies about how to make it do what it do, i.e. be sucessful, get jobs, navigate the career ladder(s), etc.

Here’s what I learned:

*I need to discover my values and look for organizations that reflect those values. In my case, that means finding an organization that is progressive, forward thinking, and creative. For others, that may mean finding an organization that values loyalty, “stick-to-it-ive-ness” or some other core personal value.

*Don’t get pigeoned-holed. I heard the word “generalist” at least 10 times. According to the manager coaches, it is hard to move from a departmental role to a Manager/Assistant role. I was told that if I want to be a Manager, I should be looking at “Assistant to” or Management Analyst jobs more so than jobs in departments.

*On the other hand, I was also told to be flexible. This relates to moving between organizations, relocating geographically, and the types of jobs that I take. In all of these, I need to be willing to learn as much as I can and gain a wide range of experiences as I advance up my career ladder.

*I need to have clear career goals. As I interview with different jurisdictions, I need to know how I can contribute to the organization, but I also need to know what I hope to learn; should it be budgeting, personnel, supervision, or just more about an issue.

*I need to build a network and have mentors. Several managers told me that they had help moving up the management ranks. Many of them had bosses who encouraged them to apply for jobs that would give them additional leadership experience or they had folks to tell them that it was time to more from one position to another.

*I need to decide what size organization works best for me. Several mangers said that there are basically two tracks: I could join a smaller organization where I could be in a higher position where I would have more responsibility or I could join a larger organization, where I would be probably be in a “lower” position, but would have more resources and more opportunity for growth. I also heard that is it hard to move from the small org. track to the large org track.

*Stand out from the crowd. Cultivate what makes you different. If your passions, (like mine) include housing policy, economic and downtown development, then you should work with that as a starting place. If you are a creative, out of the box thinker (also, like me) let it shine!

I also had the chance to attend a Women In Management Luncheon, where there was a panel discussion that talked about challenges and opportunities that face female managers, and up and coming female managers. Surprisingly (or not) I heard an echo of the same things that I heard at the Speed Coaching event. Several panelists talked about being open to lots of opportunities, learn as much as you can, get mentors often and early, trust your intuition, etc.

Here’s some other things that I heard:

*Be fearless- Don’t be afraid to get promoted. And don’t doubt your abilities. Take risks!

*Be Confident- Do the thing that you think you can not do (because you can, indeed, do those things)

*Aim high- Don’t think that, because you are a woman, you can’t (or shouldn’t be) a City or County Manager.

*You can be kind and tough. And know that others shouldn’t mistake your kindness for weakness. It is important to be true to yourself, so if you are genuinely a gentle person, do that! But be prepared to stand up and make the hard decisions when they are called for. You are a leader, after all.

*Have soft skills! Anyone can learn budgeting, but everyone can’t lead people, everyone doesn’t communicate well, everyone can’t be empathetic.
Other things today….

I attended a Next Generation Mixer (it was so-so, full of 20-somethings, they wanted me to pay for water (WTF?) and I was too tired to chit-chat), and the Midwest and Mountain Plains Regional meetings (getting my hustle on), but most of the managers I have met have been from Cali. And the GF said that she would follow me to Cali, so I’m sending my resumes attached to Thank You emails. I’m getting a job.

Believe it.

The Universe needs all the help she can get!

A friend and I had a conversation a few weeks ago, and as is the case often with me, the topic strayed to politics. Apparently, I stuck my foot in my mouth one too many times when I said something about Bush being an idiot, and how if McCain had been the 2000 Republican nominee, and had he subsequently won the general election, that America wouldn’t be in the sh*tcan now.

To which she replied that WE didn’t know that W. was stupid. My eyebrows raised, and I said WE? And my beautiful, wonderful, African American, enlightened friend precedes to tell me that she is a registered Republican and that she voted from W–twice. And my jaw hit the floor, the room started spinning and I had to remind myself to keep breathing.

Once I woke up from my faint and was able to close my mouth (*only kidding slightly) I asked her why. (just a little hysterically)

Her response surprised me, and amazingly, I agree with some of her points, (intellectually, at least).  I will share them with you.

She said that the Democratic Party tries to be everything to everybody. I know this is true and I have complained about it, actually a lot, when I was involved. I mean, I understand wanting to be the party of inclusion, but there comes a point, as my friend told me, that you spread yourself too thinly, you’ve got too much going on, you have too many folks with their hands out, and you don’t have adequate resources to take of the most important things. And there are some things that are super more important.

Democrats, you gotta prioritize. You can’t do everything. People of color, gay people, environmentalists, socialists, poor people, working class, the disenchanted, city folk, country folk, the educated, artists, leftists of all persuasions flock to the Democratic Party. And part of me thinks that is great, but part of me knows that time and money are precious commodities ( I learned that from Seth)

I also learned from Seth that you have to be the best– and apparently Americans haven’t considered the Democrats to be the best. Which makes me sad. The Dems fail by dealing with so many differing agendas and priorities.  I imagine it being like herding cats, or some other wild animal. Impossible, tiring, and not pleasing to anyone involved.  Pick things that will be the most uplifting for your party and keep it moving.  I’m not saying forget all the really small obscure folks, but you can’t let them water down the message.  Message consistency is important.

Next, my friends said that while she agrees that the most fortunate have a duty to the least among us, she hates to see ineffective government spending. She used housing policy as an example. She asked me to recite some of the names of Housing Acts that are supposed to help lower income people afford nice places to stay. I started naming them (I am studying housing policy this semester so I could do that).

When she asked me why there are so many (and there are) I told her that some of the reasons that there are a multitude of housing policies is that some of them aren’t funded enough, that each policy focuses on a particular group of folks, that there are a lot of homeless and almost homeless folks in America to deal with, and that the policies continue to be tweaked and renamed.

She, in turn, forced me to think about other ways to reach and help people with housing aid (other than giving them a check/voucher), and she forced me to think about all the projects/policies that don’t work, but continue to get funded. And I got a little pissed off. Because she is right.

I’ve met dirt ass poor people in western North Carolina that prove her point. The Feds pours money into social policy—and they should because it helps people, but policies need to prove that they work. There should be performance measures that show that people are being helped and aren’t being reecycled through the system. Because when policies don’t work but continue to be funded, they make us socialists look bad. And public money is wasted, which sucks.

Poor, proud independent people vote Republican because they don’t take advantage of the social service system and are abhorrent about supporting it through taxes. They don’t want to pay taxes, period! And they definitely don’t want to pay taxes for social policy they don’t want, that threatens their independent nature, and is seen as charity. These are folks who would rather not have indoor plumbing and would prefer to live in a shanty than to talk to a non-profit or government agency on how to rehab their home, install plumbing, get on food stamps, etc. I think this is stupid, but that is just me.

So why do non-super rich people vote Republican? Well, apparently some of them have logical answers.  But mostly, I think they don’t see themselves reflected in the Democrats,or they see others that they don’t agree with reflected more in the Democrats than they do in the Republicans and they chose, what to them is the lesser of two evils. It is absolutely horrid, but true.

None of this post is to say that I, or anyone else should ever, ever vote Republican. That would be a stupidly bad decision. I would call you names, I may throw rocks at you and you won’t be allowed in my house.

But seriously, the Republican Party gets it wrong on so many levels. They get it wrong on health, they get it wrong on women’s issues, they get it wrong on taxation, they get it wrong on war, and they get it wrong on diversity issues. The only thing that they don’t get wrong is how to increase the gap between the rich and the poor while increasing the national deficit like crazy.

But as my unlikely conversation with my friend (we are still friends, btw) proves, the more you know the better off you are. I’m the first to admit that the federal system is broken, it needs to be overhauled. But I’m not enough of a masochist to go to Washington and fight to fix it. For now, I’ll just work on making my little piece of community here at home the most awesome place ever, and I’ll keep talking to you on the information superhighway, of course.