I didn’t have a TV much in my childhood, but when we had one in the house, my mother and grandfather made me watch western movies, Oprah, and the Andy Griffin show.  I never liked western movies; they were usually old, old movies, still in black and white.  I knew they were not the shows that my classmates talked about in school.

Despite my displeasure at having to watch those old movies and in my mind, “old people shows”, the cowboy movies always sucked me it.  Cowboys, to me, are exactly the way men are supposed to be. They are even better than the men from my favorite historical romances (which I LOVE).

Cowboys work quickly and quietly, they always do the right thing, even when it hurts, they are bound by honor, they always get the bad guys, they are good to the women around them, and they are kind to animals.  What more could one want in a man?

So when I listened to this podcast I was intrigued by the notion of a law created in the spirit of the cowboys from those old black and white movies. It only took a little digging to find this from Outdoor Life.

Although the historic Code of the West was unwritten, cowboys, trappers, hunters and others in the U.S. frontier knew it was about maintaining honesty, integrity and courage in a wide-open region where the affects of government barely reached and laws were not always enforced. Even though the bill is merely a symbolic gesture, carries no criminal penalties and is not meant to replace any civil codes, here at the Newshound, we think it reflects a pretty valuable ideology.

Ten Principles of Cowboy Ethics:

1. Live each day with courage

2. Take pride in your work

3. Always finish what you start

4. Do what has to be done

5. Be tough, but fair

6. When you make a promise, keep it

7. Ride for the brand

8. Talk less and say more

9. Remember that some things aren’t for sale

10. Know where to draw the line

Isn’t this cool, and so very true!? If only those in power (political, economic and social) believed and lived by these. But this list isn’t just for the rich or powerful.

What I love the most about this list is that it isn’t JUST about how to do more or better work. This is about how to live a better life. We all could live fuller, happier lives and make the world a better place if we keep this code in mind.

How different would the world be if everyone kept their promises (and we trusted them to keep their promises) or if everyone lived with the courage to do what needs to be done or our souls/environment/country couldn’t be sold to the highest bidder.

I’m adding this to my vision board. Who knew that the cowboys from my mama’s favorite movies were not only perfect men, but also good models of ethical behavior? Maybe THAT’S what made them perfect

It’s been even longer than that since I spent many a Saturday morning in front of the public library trying to convince people to, once they returned their library books, vote early (or simply register to vote and by the way, would they consider voting for Barack Obama and these other politicians that I think are pretty cool.

I was, and still am for the most part, inspired by Barack Obama and his near meteoric rise from Chicago no-name to POTUS. I really didn’t get all the “hope” bullshit, I didn’t believe that what America needed was HOPE—what we needed was someone with at least a little bit of intelligence to get in the White House and do what needed to be done. I FIRMLY stood behind Barack, praying that he really would bring the right kind of change to the States.

And so I have to admit that I’m a little let down.

Not that Barack isn’t doing the best he can. Let’s be for real, America was in trouble WAY before he stepped foot in the Oval Office for the first time. And all this economic crisis, housing bubble, bank bailout crap is still taking center stage. He did not create the shitstorm he’s currently wading through.

But still, dammit, I had an AGENDA! I just KNEW that by this point in the presidency we would have glorious universal healthcare, the wars in Iraq and Afganistan would be over – with all the Jews and Christians and Muslims of the world, sitting together singing Kumbaya. I figured at this point we’d (Barack and I) would start dealing with domestic issues like increasing access to public transportation in our largest metro areas, ending homelessness and increasing affordable housing stock, enhancing high speed internet connections in rural areas, fixing public education, letting gays get married, reversing global warming, perfecting the electric car, and maybe, just maybe, walking on water.

Unfortunately, this economic mega-crisis isn’t the only thing that’s stopping Barack’s and my progress. Why? Because America is still a two party system, and the other party (and fake members of our own party) continue to dig their stupid little feet into the mud, and pout and tantrum and not do ANYTHING productive. They pander and pussyfoot and act all mampy-pampy.

And, bless their hearts, the Repulicans , at this point, are just being spiteful and obstinate. I really don’t think that they have issues with the MERIT of some of Obama’s policies, they just say no as the starting point of their negotiations.

And poor Obama, still trying to be bipartisan. I was flipping the channels on the TV the other day and stopped briefly at MSNBC or CNN or something and saw Obama say something to the effect of “Bipartisanship doesn’t mean me giving into what they want all the time, and them giving in to what I want none of the time.” Meh. It’s a good start I guess.

Wanna know what I think?

-F- bipartisanship.  –F the Democrats. –F the Republicans. –F the PACs and Interest Groups. –F the think tanks and policy wonks.  And while I’m at it, –F Congress and f-ing re-election.

A couple of weeks ago I came across the Iron Law of Oligarchy- which basically says that those in power will do whatever is needed to remain in power. I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve seen this in action during my career, electeds who wuss out and don’t stand up for what’s right just because of the political reality of incumbency.  In DC it’s so much worse, where the stakes are oh so high and the money and power are addictive and intoxicating. Think about all the senators and representatives who have been sitting pretty and all self-important in the houses of Congress for longer than I’ve been born and haven’t accomplished anything useful. If it were up to me, 98% of Congress would be fired.

Policy making along the lines of political ideology, the latest gallup poll, or who’s flashing the biggest wad of money at you is not what’s hot in the streets.

Barack, dear friend that I stood for, campaigning – all day in the cold, wet rain on a lonely day in November – Be the exception to the rule. For the sake of all that is holy, all the newly minted voters that voted, for you, for the first time in their lives, for all the people that gave thanks to God and cried at the end of election night and during your inauguration, and for me, all the times I told some poor schmuck that their vote DOES matter, for all the Americans who you represent, for all the detractors that say you won’t be successful. For all of us, find and use your moral compass. Don’t succumb to the gathering and hoarding of power, don’t listen to the polls or the pundits. Forget about the corporate campaign funders. While we are at it, get rid of all the Clinton pundits on your staff telling you what to do. They are so 90’s anyway.

Barack, you’re a smart guy. I bet you even taught an Ethics class or two when you were an academic. I am confidence that you know right from wrong. Just… do the right thing. Stop worrying about what people will or won’t say. Ignore Fox News.

Make all those new grey hairs on your head worth it. Stop worrying. We trust you to do the right thing. We voted for you, so show us what REAL CHANGE looks like.

Just do the right thing. If that means being a bully to get good policies to pass, do it. If it means alienating folks that you would normally compromise with, do it. If it means calling people out on their asinine-ness, do. Flex your presidential muscle.

We voted for you because we thought you’d do a good job, do the right thing, and make us proud.

Don’t make us look stupid.

This morning I was researching slacking off as I normally do and came across a New York Times article about State of the Nation/Union/Country.  Apparently, the US isn’t the only county to have an annual State Address. I was intrigued, and clicked to see what other leaders have been talking about lately.  Mostly its boring, economic stuff but this one quote from Philippines President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo during her (yes, I said her) State of the Nation Address on July 27, 2009 took my by surprise and caused me to do a double read.

I did not become president to be popular. To work, to lead, to protect and preserve our country, our people — that is why I became president.  To those who want to be president, this advice: If you really want something done, just do it. Do it hard, do it well. Don’t pussyfoot. Don’t pander. And don’t say bad words in public.

Wouldn’t we be better off if all the world’s leaders felt and behaved this way?

I started college without really knowing what I wanted out of a four year degree, other than to be rich and famous. I loved the being a Philosophy major because I got to do my favorite things; read, think, talk and write. When folks asked me what I expected to do with a degree in a Philosophy, at first I shrugged. At one point, I assumed that I would go to Law School but in my heart I knew that was a cop-out. By the time I graduated, I wasn’t worried about the naysayers because I knew that I can do ANYTHING with my degree because I’ve learned how to THINK.

Tell that to the employees who wanted to see me with a Business or Journalism degree.

It took me a little while to get my act together, but I soon I found a field (Government) where I fit, and I knew that making a career in the public sector was right for me.

It took a few more years, and a graduate degree, interviewing my mentors, therapy and a life coach for me to identify what is most important to me, the thing that I would do for free.

What’s important to me?

I write about it, here and on Cosmopolitan Urbanist.

-Being the Best Monica Ever and hopefully inspiring someone else to be the best them ever

-Making public organizations better through technology

-Making neighborhoods stronger through urban design and community development

None of which I get to do in my current job. My job pays the bills, but it doesn’t turn me on.  Every once in a while, I get excited about the opportunity to learn a new skill set at work. Some days, I’m just happy just to have a paycheck at the end of the month and I don’t care that I’m not content in my work. Most days, though, I am so bored and frustrated and anxious that I sit in my cube wondering how I got to this place and what the hell do I have to do to get out of here.

I read Naomi at Ittybiz and Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Non-Conformity and now I’m completely jealous of Jamie at A Life in Transition. I read their stuff and I get emotionally confused. I’m so excited for them and inspired by them, but I also get sad because I feel so ordinary. I feel so unaligned with my values. I feel that I’m just getting by and not living my best life.

I’m the most goal oriented person I know, but I’m feeling a little stuck about taking the small steps that I need to, to move towards my best life. When I think about my stuckness, I want to throw my head back and have a Charlie Brown moment. WAAAHHHH!  This is not my life!!

During a recent conversation, my mom asked me if I was happy. I decided to forego the “I’m fine” answer, and answer honestly. I had to tell her that no, I’m not happy. I’m absolutely not happy. I’m not supposed to be a fricking management analyst. I ranted about how this recession has put a cramp in all my plans, and how I don’t feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. After a moment of silence, she agreed with me.

She said, “You have a ministry- not necessarily religiously- but you are supposed to be helping people to do and be better.”

Her response brought tears to my eyes. But what she said next made me stutter.

“What are you going to do about it?”

I didn’t have a great answer to give her.

Since then, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I really want out of life, and you should expect a post or two soon outlining just that.

Six years of secondary school has given me the skills that I need to build a successful business and gave me some professional credibility. Unfortunately for me, school didn’t really teach me what I need to do to live my ideal life. Being involved in the blogger community, especially reading Rebecca, and Penelope, and the other bloggers at Brazen Careerist has been the best education that I could have received. Through their inspiration, I’ve started to harness the power of my passion.

I’m moving slowly, and it’s hella frustrating. I never expected to be rich and famous overnight.  I know I’m going to work hard and be patient with myself. I know that soon, my hard work and my passion will get me to where I need to be.

And that’s how I’m crushing it.

I’m thanking for the group coming to check up on my every month. It makes me more accountable for getting shit done. And I need that in my life.

I think I did a pretty good job of meeting last month’s goals, and that gives me the confidence to reach a little higher and more closely connect my small goals to some larger goals.  I have found my “5 most important things to work on list” to be quite useful, but those are just the 5 things I need to do to stay sane. If I want to be productive, feel some forward momentum, and feel like I’m working towards my purpose, I’m going to have to step it up a notch (or 3). If I’m going to treat this exercise like a to-do list, it better be a bad-ass to-do list.

1. Get a new hairstyle- I’ve been wearing the same ‘do since I cut all my hair off last year. It’s growing in very nicely, now I want to experiment and do something new to it

2.  Go to more professional networking events and talk to people- I keep finding cool Atlanta people online, now I just have to meet them in person.

3. Find a therapist. I was in therapy the entire 2 years I was in graduate school, so I wanted to try to go without one now. Big Mistake! I need to get back on that bandwagon.

4. Get back in touch with Jenny Ferry. Even after I dropped my therapist, I worked with Jenny and that helped me stay on track-mentally. I loved my relationship with her, so I want to plan coaching sessions during the weeks I’m not having therapy. I want to work with Jenny on my career development.

5.  Write more consistently here and at CU. I have a huge list of things to write about, and a stack of half-finished blogs.

6.  Practice writing- here and in my personal journals. I want to develop my writing skills, and that takes deliberate practice. I need to work on getting things written faster and better.

7.   Knock out some grants for my new part-time job- I just got an assignment as a grant writer. I need to complete a few grants. My payment depends on it!!

8.  Continue and revisit the goals from last month. Many of the goals from September are things I want to continue.  In order to turn those goals into habits, I need to be reminded of them- so I’m going to continue to add them to the new goals list.

Thank you guys for helping me along! Good luck to everyone else on meeting their goals.

Uhm, excuse me? Does this world still exist? Call me crazy, but I didn’t think that is it would be useful or in my best interest to remove my gorgeous face from the internet. I mean, bottom line—if an employer doesn’t like my looks (for any reason) then that’s likely not a job I want to have.  And I was shocked and appalled to be receiving that piece of advice.

Then I start reading the NYT this morning and there are a series of articles on Prez Obama and whether race is an issue in terms of how he’s been treated during this Health Care debacle. And I think back to all the hateful thinks that I’ve heard and seen this summer during the tea parties that the Republicans have sponsored around the country.  They seem to attack his heritage as much as his policies. It makes me rethink my view of racism in America. Maybe it’s not dead like I thought. So I wonder, when will racism die in America?

Lately, I’ve seen pictures on Obama with defaced with a Hitler-ish mustache (which I think is the stupidest thing ever) and I hear that he’s being compared to Nazis, fascists and other dictators. (Again, these comparisons are illogical. Check your history, jackasses.) What are these protesters and other oppositionists thinking? These pictures just make them look as stupid as they sound.

Do they hate him because they really think that this Administration is being fiscally irresponsible (Seriously, where have this people been hiding for the past 8 years?!?!) Or do they hate him because he’s black?

Even contemplating that question makes me sad.

I’m sick of every news report starting out with how many soldiers and marines died in Iraq. It’s TOO much. I want this war over now.  I’m all about diplomacy, but for fuck’s sake, just end it already!

Yay me!

This is the end of the FIRST week has been an interesting work week.  Monday was spent getting introduced to the building, Capitol Hill,  and all the different Audit sections. Tuesday were spent almost completely on selecting benefits.  (I, for one, did not know that insurance could be so expensive.)  I ended up buying a half a dozen different kinds of insurance. Now I worry that I’m paying for stuff that I’ll never need while simultaneously hoping to God that I never do!

Wednesday and Thursday were spent in my cube (yes I have a cubicle) reading a stack of manuals. Administrative procedures, departmental procedures, division procedures, performance audit procedures.  I read several different kinds of audit reports.  I know auditing backwards and forwards.

Today, my division chief gave me his version of Auditing 101 (basically a recap of everything I’ve read so far this week.  I really, really understand (conceptionally, at least) what I am here to do.

I am officially ready to hit the ground running.

And apparently that is exactly what they expect me to do.

Monday is Day 1 on a new project and I am one part of a two person team. What fun! (Actually it IS fun)

My division chief, on several occasions this week has told me a bit about how I came to be hired.  On Wednesday, he told me that there were several highly qualified finalists but that I rose to the top. How I rose, I am not sure.  I assured him that I am immensely happy to be working, and flattered, to say the least.)

Today, he told me that there were several (including me) good candidates in the applicant pool.  There were some he knew would be productive staff analysts for many years. He then said that I was selected because it was clear that I wouldn’t be satisfied staying a staff analyst, and he needed to hire someone who wanted to be promoted.  Quickly.  The division is extremely understaffed, and my boss hopes to put me on the fast track when the budget is less restrictive.  (Yay me!)

As he told me all this, it took tremendous will not to start laughing out loud!  Am I that obvious?  No lie, on Monday during orientation I looked at the department’s vacancies org chart and decided that I could comfortably stay in this organization for 5-6 years and move up quickly in responsibility and salary.  It is nice to know that my boss has already pegged me as a mover and shaker and is willing to push me along.

.

 I spent most of the lecture bouncing between unease, nonchalance, and boredom until nearly the end of the lecture.  As she wrapped up her speech, the lecturer asked the audience to talk among ourselves about the myriad policy implications of American race relations.  At first, I resigned myself to sit back and listen to what the white people had to say.  (I find that I can often learn more by listening than speaking).

 However, I love my classmates and I don’t want them going out into the world thinking and saying stupid stuff because one of the few examples of diversity in the classroom refused to get involved and speak up.  So I joined the conversation and asked them to look around the auditorium and see the 3 black students in the room.

 Be aware of white privilege: I reminded them that our building is full of pictures of old white men; that the university was built on racism and slavery; that we have only one professor of color on staff at MPA School.  I asked them to think about how it might feel to constantly be a minority in an environment that (based on the previous description) doesn’t seem to value people that look like you. I want them to go out in the world appreciating and seeking out diversity.

I told them what it was like to be me.  In both academic and workplace settings, I am often the only black person in the room.  I get a little excited that Old Navy commercials have black and white mannequins. And I smile when I see the same Pantene commercial with a white and black girl.  I’ve walked into interviews and seen the slightly shocked faces of interviewers. I can fairly assume that they weren’t expecting a black girl.  I told my classmates that sometimes I feel like the defender of all Black people, everywhere and that I sometimes feel that I should be careful of what I say because someone may attribute my attitude to all Black people.

 The virtue of white privilege is never having to think about race.  Every day something happens to remind me of my race.  Not in big overly racist ways.  It’s subtle. Like in class when someone says something about “gentrification” or “low-income neighborhoods”, and everyone turns and looks back at me.  Or when a class presenter shows a powerpoint presentation full of little poor black and brown kids, and smiling happy white kids.  Couldn’t find ONE happy brown kid, could ya?

That sh*t pisses me off.

Race is still an issue. It’s not something that we should or can ignore.

In the lecture, someone asked, Since Barack Obama was elected president, aren’t we now living in a post-racial world?

 *my thought bubble: Uhm, no.

The lecturer rightly asked what does post-racial mean.  The student said something about being colorblind. 

Colorblind? Really?  Is there something wrong with noticing someone’s race? I don’t think so.

Should we strive to be colorblind?  I think not. We should acknowledge race and move on!  Not seeing race is like not seeing the booger that someone has in their nose or the pimple in the middle of your forehead.  The more you try not to notice, the bigger and nastier it gets.

 Being colorblind suggests that we should overlook our differences.  I disagree.  I think we should embrace our differences. 

When I enter a new situation, I like to look around and find the person that is the least like me and befriend them. (I often find myself sitting and cutting up with the old white men or little Asian ladies). 

I love cities like Boston or Miami or San Francisco, where there are SO MANY different kinds of people.  I’m not just talking about racial diversity. I love it when I walk down the street and I can’t understand all the languages that are being spoken, or none of the restaurants that I see serve hamburgers and french fries, or when I people-watch and the fashion styles of the people that I see are “weird”.   Weird and different indicate that I’m going to learn something new.  Someone is going to broaden my horizons.  And that makes me happy.

Should we be colorblind? Hell NO! We shouldn’t fear or overlook the ways that we are all different.  We should appreciate and nurture those differences.  If we are to create something fresh and new and different, we should not ignore the ways our differences come together.

Reading her post reminded me of an ongoing discussion I’ve been having with a group of my friends.  At least one of us REFUSES to call herself a feminist because she’s seen too many gung-ho feminists become uber career-minded until they find a man to take care of them, then all the feminist stuff is thrown out the window.  

While I do call myself a feminist, I often feel the same way.  In college at Salem, from day one as a freshman I was bombarded with the idea that women could do and be anything.  These girls were amazing. When I moved in as a freshman, my dad was prepared to move all my stuff into the dorm room, but little did he know that Salem girls move their own sh*t. He barely lifted a finger and my car was unpacked in no time. 

Over the years, I remember being jealous of (or maybe having crushes on???)some of the girls who seemed to have it all.  There were girls at Salem who were smart, pretty, and seemed to have amazingly bright futures. I couldn’t wait to see the greatness that they would accomplish. 

 One or two years after graduation, I would be excited to read Salem’s alumni magazine to see what the girls were up to. They didn’t disappoint me; United Nations, Capitol Hill, medical school, law school, PhD programs, and adventures is South America, Africa and Europe were often the updates I would read about my Salem sisters. I’ve even seen some of my Salem friends on TV and the NYT. How cool is that? 

Then those updates started to change. For the past few years, the updates I receive are more likely to be about who got married, who’s pregnant, who’s had kid number 1, 2 or 3. And even worse?  Those girls who dated girls all through college who are now married to men and being  f*cking housewives!  These updates piss me off. If the most important thing that is happening to you is your marriage or kids, I really don’t care to know. 

Hmmmm. That didn’t come out exactly how I meant. 

I understand the importance of having a partner in life.  I write a lot about relationships, and my relationship in particular; it is a huge part of my life.  I understand that building a family is important so many people. And I love to rejoice in the joys of my friends. But come on. Did some of the smartest people I know quit their careers to stay home with the kids? I hate to see women give up their hopes, dreams and accomplishments for the husband and kids.  

One of my best friends, who has a really different fairytale than me about where she wants her life to go and also considers herself a feminist, once explained to me that her focus on being married and having kids wasn’t any less feminist than my ball-busting, take the world by storm dream.  She said that feminism isn’t about having a career at the expense of family and husband (or vice versa).  Feminism is about having the choice. I still hate that she’s going to forego her potential brilliance to give birth, but I can dig her argument. 

So I’m thankful to feminists, even those who have turned their backs on the cause. Your struggles make my life possible.   

What does feminism mean to you?  Can one be a house wife and still call herself a feminist?  Do you know women who have turned their back on feminism, and embraced the married with kids life?

How do you married, career ladies keep it all together?