September 13, 2009 @ 9:34 pm
Characteristics of Love
I was watching an L Word DVD this weekend. In one of the overly-dramatic scenes one of the characters (Jody) realizes that her girlfriend (Bette) is a lying cheater. During the break up, Jody said that two things that really resonated with me.
Jody asks Bette if she still loves her, Bette says yes. Jody clarifies by asking if she loves her to the exclusion of all others. Of course, cheating-ass Bette just looked sad and stupid.
Do you love me to the exclusion of all others?
WOW. That’s asking a lot, right? I mean, I understand the sentiment behind it- fidelity and so forth- but when you think about it that’s a pretty powerful statement. Loving one person to the exclusion of all others means, of course, that you will be faithful to and love only that one person. But in my estimation, this ACTUALLY refers to excluding everyone else. This is why married couples leave their parents and start their own household.
Today, one of my friends told me she was happy to have couple friends because couple friends understand the importance of “couple time”. Couple time excludes everyone else. It’s time for you and your boo- alone.
In past relationships I was the girl that left her boyfriend at home and partied with her friends. I preferred my friends; I was more likely to exclude HIM. My current relationship is different. I’d rather be with the GF than anyone else. And when I am with my friends, I can’t wait to come home to her.
But that’s not all that happened on The L Word. Later in the scene, Jody proceeds to break down. She lamented the fact that she allowed herself to love Bette as much as she did. She said I was fine before I met you.
I had to yell at the TV screen at that one! Jody I feel you, girl! Sometimes the GF pisses me off so BAD! Sometimes she does things that make me think back to the night we met. I remember our first few dates and I think, if only she’d kept her damn hands to herself. If only we hadn’t had such a strong connection. If only she had left me alone.
I was fine before I met her. My life was going according to plan. Granted, when we met I was ending a relationship that was less that satisfying but I had great friends, a great job and my heart was in check.
Then I fell in love with the GF and nothing has been fine since. No one has makes me as mad as she does, no one makes me laugh as hard and no one makes my heart feels so full.
But sometimes I want to strangle her 
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Posted by Rebecca
September 14, 2009 @ 10:07 am
Ha, great post. Sometimes I feel the same way about Ryan; our relationship overwhelms me, mostly because I know it’s right, he’s a good person, and with him as my best friend, I suddenly have a lot figured out. The magnitude of that has created some fairly large mood swings in me. I get incredibly happy, I become incredibly scared, sometimes I push him away and sometimes I bring him in too close. Lately, I’ve been better at the balance thing, but oh, has it taken some time!
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Posted by Grace Boyle
September 14, 2009 @ 12:21 pm
This is a beautiful post. I also LOVE The L Word. They depict women’s emotions, plus it’s raw and honest.
Sometimes I find myself thinking “I wish I hadn’t met you,” even if it’s a deep happy feeling. Wondering why did we get together, why did all this happen, our connection, etc. But in the end, there’s no lamenting on the past or why it happened. The organic way that people often get together is pretty amazing…a love/hate relationship CAN be healthy, but it has to be in balance like Rebecca said.
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Posted by admin
September 14, 2009 @ 12:49 pm
@Rebecca, I feel the same way about Tiha. It scares me sometimes how strong my emotions are for her. I tried pushing her away, but that just makes BOTH of us miserable, lol. I’d love to talk to you about your mood swings– I bet you I have you beat
@Grace Boyle: When you have a strong emotional connection to someone, its incredibly overwhelming. Intuitively, I think we try to distance ourselves from such strong feelings (even if they are good ones.
I’m learning (trial and error) that balance and boundaries can be a good thing! I’m also learning to take the bad and love the good in my relationship.
Posted by Marie
September 14, 2009 @ 8:30 pm
I’m so glad you wrote this! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks that. It’s so freaking scary to know that someone that you can’t control has so much power over you. ARRRGGH. But I guess that’s the price of love.
And I’ve never had whatever channel The L Word comes on, but I’ve heard good things. Something I should checkout?
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Posted by admin
September 15, 2009 @ 7:50 am
@Marie: That’s exactly what’s so frustrating! It’s the power that the other person holds. I mean, we are just going on faith that we have the same power over them, right?
As far as the L Word– I love it. Tiha hates it, I have to watch it by myself. She hates it because it reminds her of being a lesbian in her 20’s, I love it because it shows a life that I never had. Having said that, you’d probably find it great escapism. However, I must warn you that it is very gay and there is lots of sex (at least in the early seasons). If you watch it, let me know.
Posted by Jessica Dietz
September 17, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
Wow that is kind of scary! My husband snores in my ear sometimes, but I just roll his entire body over. I find it’s much more effective!
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