Life in the Middle Lane

A few weeks ago, I said that the time and money that I spent job hunting in San Francisco was a waste. Believe me, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have done all that traveling. I spent hundreds of dollars, and I have nothing to show for it. I wasted my time and money.

My friend, who overheard me, was aghast. How dare I say that!?!  She said I was being ungrateful. I met some really cool people, I learned  BART, I made some professional contacts that will be handy in the future. How could my time have been a waste, when I got to experience all that good stuff came out of it?

Well, I said. My trip out West was purposeful.  It was all about getting a job.  I went on 4 interviews with 3 organizations.  And I came home empty-handed.  So yeah, a waste.

But what about the experience, my friend implores. I got to do a lot of cool stuff! The travel, the time spent in a really cool city hanging out with the locals going to the really cool restaurants. I got to do something few other people get to do. My friend said I was looking at the experience too narrowly.

My friend was right.  I’ve (mostly) had a great time in San Francisco.

But I wasn’t wrong.  I went to California with a goal in mind; I expected FULLY to get a job out of the deal. But in this case, I came home without meeting my goal.  Were my expectations too high? Should I be satisfied having the experience? Or should I continue to focus on meeting my goal?

I’m not satisfied with JUST having the experience. Is Hillary satisfied that she had the experience of running for president? I think not. I’m sure it will help her in the long run, but RIGHT NOW I doubt that she’s jumping for joy.  What about all the American Idol hopefuls, or the Miss America runner-ups or the teams that didn’t win the Super Bowl. Do you believe them when they give their farewell speech and say that they are happy to have the experience? Yeah, I get that they are happy for the experience, but they came to win, right? And it sucks to get [thisclose] and then fail to meet your goal.

I came to win.  And while I enjoyed my time in San Francisco, I didn’t win. And when it comes to looking for a job, coming in second doesn’t get you paid.

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself an athlete, but I dabble in sports when I can.  A few years ago I decided to be a runner. I found a group to train with, and started running. We trained from February to June, starting with 30 second run/ 1minute walk, increasing to 1 min run/walk, 2 min run/ 1 minute walk, etc. At first it was relativity easy, and unexpectedly I even found myself running in the front of the pack. As I looked ahead at the training schedule, I tried to predict when I would give up. I figured that somewhere around the 7 minute long run I would die of a heart attack. Again, unexpectedly, I completed the 5 minute run- no problem, 6 minute run- no problem, 7 minute run –no problem, 8 minute- no problem. You get the point. I completed the WHOLE program. I ran a 5k. No sweat.

I mean, I sweated a lot, but I didn’t die like I thought I would.

When I was in college I found a cheap gym that taught ju jit su and muy tai kickboxing. I’ve always been fascinated by martial arts, so I decided to give them a shot. It was love from the beginning.  At the beginning of each lesson, we ran through a series of drills to practice basic moves. Then we would move into learning something new. The majority of each lesson was spent “sparring”.  The whole class would pair up and go at it. (I’ve fought hundred pound ladies, three hundred pound men, and ultimate fighting contestants). I learned quickly that the longer I trained the better I’d be. I’m sure you are thinking, duh, of course training improves skills, but what I mean is, training and improving in martial arts skills has a lot to do with muscle memory.  If I thought about what move to do next, I often would find myself pinned.  But if I let my body take over and do what it remembered from the lessons, I was much more likely to win a match.

I trained in ju jit su and kickboxing for a year, then I moved away and I couldn’t find another cheap gym to train in. I looked into other gyms and even went to a couple of “free” classes. A year or two later, my body still remembered how to protect itself.

And I don’t even have to remind you of my swimming adventure! At first, I thought I would die every time I got into the water.  Over the course of just a few months, I learned to swim on my back and my stomach. Now, in Atlanta, with no money and no pool, I miss the water.  I can’t wait till I get settled in, join a Y and get back to swimming.

Oh, and by the way, when I set a goal for my body, I ALWAYS lose weight. But I don’t even care because when I get into an activity it quickly stops being about losing weight and starts being about having fun and learning a new talent.

This has been a tremendously stressful year with writing the capstone, graduating from school, and looking for my next step.  Every time I’ve gotten bogged down or discouraged about finishing my thesis or this stupid job search the GF sends me a text message reminding me that I ran a 5k (I was training when we met), that I learned to swim (swimming is a goal of her’s too)… and reminds me I should tap into that that same tenacity and control and endurance and persistence to overcome whatever other obstacles (not having a job or having an insane thesis committee or starting a business).

It’s hard, but I’m starting to get the picture. She’s right. If I can control my body enough to do the athletic stuff I’ve done with it, and have the persistence and endurance to keep training even when it hurts or is inconvenient and meet my physical goals (with sweat, no blood or tears) then I should at least display the same persistence and endurance, and most of all, patience when “running after” my professional and personal goals.

I got off the train on Thursday, and found myself in the cleanest MARTA station I’ve ever seen. The platform didn’t smell like pee or filth. The escalators were all working. I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to go, I looked wildly at the wayfinding signs, and randomly picked, and went up the escalator. At the top, I found myself at a security checkpoint in a Georgia State Building.  I quickly found out I was in the wrong place, and made my way outside.

Outside the building, I looked up into the sky and the first thing I saw was shiny, golden dome of the Georgia State Capitol.  Immediately I was taken back.  I was probably in the third grade, and my class went on a field trip to another state capitol. It was beautiful. All I remember is that the seats and carpets were deep burgundy and sooooo soft. The dome (are domes required on capitol buildings?) was stately, but opulent, with different colored glass and gold filigree.  I remember our tour guide telling us that the building was newly renovated. I was starstruck. I remember thinking—I wanna work in a place that’s this cool when I grow up.

Then I was taken to another time. I was 22 and driving to DC.  It wasn’t my first trip to DC, but this trip was special. I was in town for an interview, it was the middle of the worst year of my life, and it was my first trip to DC by myself as an adult.  I was on the interstate, and I remember looking over the city. It was so pretty and glittery and POWERFUL!! I fell in love with DC immediately, and I fall more in love every time I’m there.

I was so excited and I couldn’t hold it in. I just hooped and hollered and did a jig in the car. It was so exciting. I had to call my friends and scream “I’M IN DC!!!!!” And because my friends are awesome, they yelled along with me.

All of a sudden, I’m snapped back to all the times over the past two years in MPA school where I’ve emphatically declared that under no circumstances would I consider a job in state government. ‘It’s a bureaucracy!’, I’d say. ‘Nothing ever gets done there!’, I’d say. ‘It’s too big!”, I’d say.

But there I was, about to walk into that big domed building. I just shook my head. I whispered under my breath, “Never say never.”

My mother expected us to be make good grades, have a strong work ethic, have an active spiritual life, and to give back to the family and the community.

She raised my siblings and me to be successful.

When I was 16, I had two jobs; I worked as a cashier in a grocery store and I worked as an intern in the local County Commissioners office. I made quite a bit of money for a sixteen year old.  And all my money was not mine. Every pay day (every other Friday) I was responsible for dinner.  That was usually the day that we ate out; on my way home from work I would pick up Subway, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell or KFC was usually on the menu.  I often helped out with my own and my younger siblings’ school shopping. I was responsible for a quite a bit at a relatively young age. I mean, I was the oldest of four, being raised by a single mom.

Additionally, my academic life was absolutely not to suffer because of my jobs. I had to maintain a 3.5 GPA and keep up with the Latin Club, French Club, Key Club, and African-American Club activities.

You know what? I loved my life; I was busy, I was happy, and I had money. (If only life stayed that simple.)

I don’t remember if my mom ever asked me to contribute to the household or if I just decided it was the right thing to do.  And I don’t remember being upset about

Over the years, I’ve watched my mom give back to the community. Whenever we outgrew anything, she bagged it up and gave it away. I’ve seen her give people at church, in the neighborhood or at her school money and food when they fall on hard times. I’ve also seen her give kids (the ones that were less fortunate than us) a dollar per A on their report card.  I’ve seen her take people into corners to pray, I’ve heard her call out the names of friends, family and acquaintances in prayer from her bedroom.  I KNOW she gives hundreds of dollars to programs as church that she believes in.

She’s awesome.  She may not be a saint, but she’s pretty dang –on close. For her, being successful isn’t about money or materialist goods (She will likely not be a rich lady). Success is about doing the right thing (even when it takes money out of your own pocket), success is about taking care of your family and touching the lives of others. Success is being about to look in the mirror and being happy with the person that you are and the life that you live.

She’s likely a big part of the reason that I’ve decided to go into public service.  Whenever we talk about my career and my life, she tells me that my purpose in life is the help people lead better lives. Luckily, I agree with her. She thinks I have a future in the ministry. I gotta say, I’m fighting that one.

What does success look like to you? Who has been a major influence in shaping your ideas about success.

Alternate Title: What happened on my California interviews.

A few weeks ago, I received an offer for an interview in Hayward, California for a Deputy City Clerk position. In a good economy, I wouldn’t have even considered the position. (I’ve worked in a City Clerk’s office before, and I know that being a Clerk is not what I want to be when I grow up).  However, this is not a good economy, and times are hard, and I was just excited to get an interview.  During the same timeframe, I applied for a couple of other jobs that I was REALLY excited about (San Jose Downtown Association and the Silicon Valley Leadership Alliance). Since I had to spend almost $400 dollars on a plane ticket (regardless of whether I spent 2 days or 10 days), I decided that I should maximize my time and request interviews with the other organizations, and meet as many people as possible.

The City of Hayward uses a two interview process.  I had an initial panel interview with Clerks from other Bay Area jurisdictions.  The purpose of the interview was to see if I had the basic skills and temperament to be a Deputy Clerk, i.e. they ranked applicants in terms of general “clerk” ability.  I came in third, which granted me a second interview. The second interview was with the City Clerk and the City Attorney.  It was….meh. They didn’t ask me anything I wasn’t expecting, and I answered their questions quickly and thoroughly. The City Clerk was young, and it was great to see someone her age (early 30’s) at the top of her field.

The interesting thing about the Hayward interviews?  The questions were so generic. The panel interview was harder because a) there were three people to make eye contact with and b) their questions were harder and more scenarios based. The second interview felt like a recap of the first interview, and some of the questions were legal questions. (Hello! I decided NOT to go to law school remember) And the City Attorney asked me what I hoped to do with a Philosophy degree. I had to keep my composure, and say very sweetly,

I can do anything I want to with a Philosophy Degree. Studying Philosophy teaches one to think logically and solve problems.

To which he grunted.

In short, I’m not crazy about the position, but it would be a promotion from my last job before graduate school and it would get me to the West Coast (which is the goal). *shrugging*

I am way more excited about the other two jobs that I interviewed for.  The Silicon Valley Leadership Alliance is an amazing organization, and I was very excited that they were willing to interview me on short notice.  In the advertised position, I would be analyzing policy and managing the Directors of Environmental Policy and Energy Policy.  The Directors (who interviewed me) were so awesome. I had a great chemistry with them; the interview was very easy and relaxed. They didn’t ask the generic questions [they had great questions]. We had things in common, I loved them.  The job was SO ME.

Two problems: They told me,

While we think you’re great and capable and intelligent, and would be great in this job, there are 15 other people in the stack that are just like you.

Ouch. And they have a 3 part interview process, which means I would need to fly out to California twice more. Their timeframe for hiring someone is August, so I send them nice emails every once in a while so they don’t forget me….[If you are reading, guys, please hire me]

Interview Three was with the San Jose Downtown Partnership. It wasn’t a “real” interview; we met at the local Starbucks. I asked that hiring manager to meet with me while I was in town.  We agreed that a real interview could happen later on the phone. I just wanted her to have my face (and my body language) to go with my resume.   While I know that I am capable of being a great Event Coordinator (the position that I’m interviewing for), this is a case of right organization, wrong position. Working for a Downtown Development Agency is one of my dream jobs, but I always saw myself in a policy, analytical, or government or client relations role. I think the Event Coordinator gig would be a lot of fun and I think I would learn a lot.  But the hiring manager thinks I’m over qualified and won’t last long.  I tried to reassure her, but I don’t know if I convinced her.

If I had to rank these jobs in order of my preference, I’d choose 1) Silicon Valley Leadership Alliance, 2) San Jose Downtown Association 3) City of Hayward.

I believe that the best way to get a job is to be you in an interview. If interviewers don’t like the me that they see in the interview, then they aren’t going to like me in the position.  Even when I’m not offered the position, often interviewers still tell me that they get “good feelings” about me or that I have a good aura or that I’m likeable)   I feel as confident as I can about these interviews, knowing that I showed them my best self.

Cohabitation Week 1

Her: I’m so happy you’re here! Finally, someone I WANT to spend lots of time with.

Her: I’m so happy you’re here! I have so many things for us to do!

Her: I’m so glad you’re here! It’s fun to watch tv with you.

Me: (in all seriousness) Are you sure you want me here? You aren’t going to kick me out?

Me: Are you sleeping well, do you have enough room? Am I in the way?  Am I too loud?

Her: You’re tense. When you are tense, you make me tense.

Her: Are you ok being here? You seem on edge.

Her: I’m happy you’re here. Stop expecting me to kick you out. Stop tripping.

Me: But… but… but… I want to make sure you are ok. I take up a lot of space.

Her: Shut up. I’ve been perfectly clear about how happy I am that you are here.

Me: So I can be my normal slobby self?

Her: You know you want to.

Her: I’m not as anal as I was last year. Right?

Me: WAAAAY less anal. (giggling)

We’ve made it through one week.  And as the GF often says,

We haven’t killed each other…. yet.  :-)