June 23, 2009 @ 3:59 pm
I hope she’s not a psycho
I believe that humans are innately evil creatures. I believe that we do those things that are in our best interests. When our behaviors are not aligned with our best interests, it is generally because social and cultural norms keep us all in line. Social and cultural norms cause us to be polite to each other, tell the truth, share, and prevent us from robbing and killing each other at will. Everyone doesn’t conform to these norms. Some people, for some reason, do not conform to those social and cultural norms because something STRONGER commands their actions. The influence of other more strong-willed people, desperation and mental instability are three things that I’ve seen cause humans to behave in ways that would seem wrong or strange to most of us in our civilized society.
I was recently in the presence of someone who treated me very badly and falls, in my opinion, in the later catergory. In other words, she’s absolutely crazy.
A couple of weeks ago I traveled out to the Bay Area. Since I’m jobless and my bank account is limited, I arranged to spend the week with a friend of a friend. I was excited that I wouldn’t have to worry about hotel expenses during the seven day trip. My time with, let’s call her Gabbie, started out awesomely. Gabbie welcomed me into her home, she allowed me to stay in her bedroom, and she even cleared a space for me on the vanity in the bathroom. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday passed without a hitch. Gabbie took it upon herself to show me around; she introduced me to a great bar and a great restaurant. She went beyond normal politeness. I thought we were on the way to being friends.
Weekends in a new city are hard, and it was on Sunday that Gabbie’s cracks began to surface. She asked me to leave the apartment for a while because she was expecting her girlfriend to visit; I was attending an event in San Francisco so I wasn’t concerned. However, a snag in my plans made me text Gabbie to see if I could come back earlier than we arranged. Her textual response? Maybe I should look for different arrangements because I was making her feel rushed. I thought she was completely overreacting and I was confused and concerned. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I didn’t have the money for a hotel stay for the remainder of my trip. Luckily, I was able to talk to Gabbie and convince her to continue to let me stay.
After that episode I was worried that she would snap. I tried to be quiet and stay out of her way, I knew I only have three days left, I thought I would make it. I thought I was doing a good job, until Tuesday morning when I awoke to find a note on thebathroom door telling me to get out of the apartment. The note included a series of threats and false accusations. Gabbie accused me of scamming my way into her house, staying too long, and keeping her away from her “responsibilities”. Really, Gabbie? There was no promise of reward or compensation in exchange for my lodging. I told her verbally and in writing how long I planned to stay (and she agreed verbally and in writing) and I even shared my flight itinerary. I also left the apartment every morning and I only returned in the afternoon when Gabbie called me to tell me she was home. (Bad Monica, you scammer, you!)
I was so embarrassed and hurt by the note. And really confused because she rambled on for a while spewing hatred and negativity. I don’t know what I did to cause her to say such hateful and unnecessary things to me. It would have been enough to just tell me to get out. Or to communicate with me about what her problem really was.
I didn’t have time to panic or cry or feel sorry for myself. I had to pack all my stuff, find the cheapest hotel possible, and decide the day’s logistics because I had a lunch informational interview planned for later that day AND I had a series of interviews planned for the following day. It was incredibly weird to have lunch with someone while carrying ALL my worldly possessions with me? And I knew I had to quickly get myself together if I was to be successful in my Wednesday interviews.
I didn’t have time to evaluate or express my feelings at the time. I’ve spend the past few day s thinking, Why would she treat me like that? I am still so hurt and confused and PISSED OFF by Gabbie’s behavior.
Which brings me back to the beginning. How Gabbie treated me was completely outside of cultural and societal norms. It was horrible. And she knew it was a horrible thing to do because she didn’t have the guts to face me like a woman. She left me a note on the bathroom door, and told me specifically not to contact her anymore. Sounds like a guilty conscience to me…. (or a person with a split personality) Was allowing me in her house in the first place where Gabbie went wrong or was it when she kicked me out? Did she invite me to stay with her out of politeness? And kick me out because it was no longer in her best interest to adhere to the cultural norm? Did her girlfriend tell her to kick me out?
Whenever I try to figure out why people act the way they do, especially in these situations, I ask myself, Is it a matter of personal weakness, desperation or craziness? In the case of Gabbie, you be the judge. But I don’t think that it was a coincidence that one of the last things my sister says to me before I got on the plane was: I hope she’s not a psycho.
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Posted by Randi
June 23, 2009 @ 4:22 pm
This just goes to prove that crazy bitches are everywhere! So update us on the interviews.
Posted by christy
June 23, 2009 @ 4:38 pm
It all went wrong when she wasn’t able to communicate her feelings with you and that’s her issue, not your’s. The note on the bathroom door–well that made it your issue. At least you can find comfort in one simple fact: If she can’t express herself to a stranger in an appropriate manner, then imagine what she’s like as a friend!! You don’t have to deal with that drama ever again!
That’s my two cents.
PS-she’s crazy, you rock!
Posted by Naturally Alise
June 23, 2009 @ 5:15 pm
Ugh, I know that feeling, have been in similar situations. I am baffled by such behavior and I tend to think I am a pretty smart girl most days. I don’t get people sometimes. I am glad you were able to work everything out in the end and are safe, most importantly. Despite all of that drama how do you think the interviews went?
Posted by Brian
June 24, 2009 @ 3:35 am
Seems like you cut your losses early on in the introduction. I would take it as it is. I know a guy that’s a hotel night manager in L.A., so let me know if you need help next time. I have more family and friends out there too. Monica, I understand what it’s like to try to make moves in the world. Please, reach out next time for dependable resources. Hit up the hospital for a overnight stay next time (saw it on a HBO homeless special). Gotta get it in sometimes
Posted by admin
June 24, 2009 @ 2:21 pm
@Randi- I will post an interview update soon, promise.
@Christy- Thank you having my back on this one. I know she’s a looney tune. AND I DON’T HAVE TO SEE HER EVER, YAY!!
@Alise-My interviews went well. I’m glad she kicked me out on Tuesday, and by Wednesday I had exorcised most of the negativity from my mind, so I could successfully get through my interviews.
@Brian: Thanks Brian. I thought I had a dependable resource this time, next time I will just bite the bullet and get a hotel. Or look you and your hotel friend up
Staying at a hospital? I’ve never heard of that one.
Posted by Sabrina
June 25, 2009 @ 3:37 pm
Couchsurfing.com
Get on it. A thrifty travelers savior. Nice hospitable people AND tons of Bay area users
Hope the interviews went well! (All things considered)
Posted by admin
June 26, 2009 @ 10:54 am
@Sabrina: Really? Couchsurfing? I knew a girl once who used it in Austin, and I remember thinking she was crazy. Have you ever used it?
Posted by Jennifer Escalona
June 26, 2009 @ 6:42 pm
I wish I had known! I let my RSS feed reader go fro a long time so I just now saw this blog post. I have an aunt who lives about 30 minutes outside the city and she would have taken you in in a heartbeat. I’m sorry you had that crappy experience with the obvious psycho. Ouch.
Jennifer Escalona´s last blog ..Vanessa Knauf on “Who’s the Boss?”
Posted by admin
June 29, 2009 @ 1:20 pm
@Jennifer: Hey! I am amazed at the network that I’ve been blessed with. I think it is so cool that you would have sent me to your mom’s and we’ve met, like, twice. Awesome
Posted by Laurie
June 30, 2009 @ 4:18 pm
Wow! What an awful experience. It’s a shame that Gabbie didn’t feel she could stand up for herself earlier if the situation wasn’t working for her.
My gut feeling after reading this is that a week is a really long time to stay on the living room couch of a close friend. It is a really, really, really long time to stay in the bedroom of someone you barely know. It was generous of her to let you stay with her and I do feel that if she asked you for a short period of time to have the apartment to herself, the right thing to do would have been to go to a coffee shop while you waited until your appointment to return. That said, this arrangement was an inconvenience that Gabbie chose to bear, and if she had a problem with it, the mature thing to do would have been to tell you up front that it wasn’t working. Not doing that, and kicking you out at the last minute, was a terrible way to handle the situation, though I can understand her frustration. It was a completely unfair way for her to treat you and I hope this experience was a learning opportunity for both of you. Staying with people for lengthy periods of time is almost always a tough learning opportunity for me.
Posted by admin
July 2, 2009 @ 11:58 am
@Laurie: I agree that 7 days is a long time to stay with someone- which is why I asked her over the phone and in writing if she was ok with it. I wouldn’t have planned to stay for that long if she wasn’t into it. If she has approached me and told me it wasn’t working and why, I would have respected that and we could have worked it out.
It was completely a learning experience for me- I learned that people will go back on their word, and there is nothing I can do about it, that I will rise up and overcome in the face of horribleness, and if I can’t afford a hotel, I probably don’t need to go.