Jun 25, 2009
Come on, Moment of Clarity
Over the past few days I’ve realized that I’m back on my “depression sleep cycle”. Bed after midnight, sleep til 10am. Yawn all day….eat junk….mope around.
During the hours when I am, what passes for awake, I trudge from restaurant to restaurant from temp agency to temp agency putting on my happy face, and telling them all why I would be just AWESOME as a hostess, bartender, server, administrative assistant, call center rep……and all I REALLY want to do is cry.
This is not my life. At least, this is not the life I wanted/dreamed of/expected. I mean, when I finish writing this post, I’m going down to the local CVS to apply for a job as a cashier.
And to think. I actually WENT to college. TWICE.
At night when I’m waiting (usually in vain) for my eyes to close and sleep to overtake me, I run through my mind all the people I need to email, all the staffing companies I still need to get to, all the cute little restaurants that I should drop by, and ask the Universe, God, whatever you want to call the higher being that keeps the world turning…… When will it end? When will I hit rock bottom?
I am beginning to believe that it is only when I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown, all my optimism is gone, and I have no other options that whatever breakthrough I’m supposed to have will happen. I’ll have a moment of clarity, and the path I’m supposed to take will be clear, and I’l stop feeling like a fish out of water.
And I think it’s close.
Have you ever thought about trying to start up a side business? I know you went to school to work in the public sector, but perhaps you have some transferrable skills from there would let you network and make some income until a job is to be had? I’m thinking grant writing or something of that nature. I know it’s easy to give advice, but I thought I would throw that out there.
Also, you just happened to graduate during the worst economic time imaginable. Please don’t lose your fighting spirit. The job will come, it just might come later or in a more round about way than you were expecting.
Jennifer Escalona´s last blog ..Vanessa Knauf on “Who’s the Boss?”
I hope that moment comes for the both of us. The world is really hurting right now. I think greed has taken over. Michael Jackson even said fuck it. I feel the same way about school. After undergrad, I thought about how I should have went to the military or work after high school. Plus, it doesn’t help when you’re being hired by a manager or HR rep that doesn’t have a degree. It seems like they place little value on your education. Lucky Us!
@Jennifer: I’ve been working on starting a side business–and grantwriting is something that I’m totally interested in. But I can’t get out out “start” mode and into “doing” mode….I’ve talked to and had meetings with several potential clients, but no one that I’ve talked to has the money to pay me or the vision to see that I could help them bring in some cash. I’ve even offered to write the grant and stick around to implement it…..still no go, so far.
@Brian: I concur. I’m so frustrated- I don’t know whether to spit or cry.