May 7, 2009 @ 12:13 am
Cake or Pudding, Either Way I’m Awesome
Everyone must know something about me that I am currently unaware of. For the past year I’ve had co-workers, professors, counselors, friends, mentors, Jenny, new people that I’ve met and the GF all tell me the same thing.
Monica, you’re awesome and successful.
Every time someone tells me that I’m going to be fine and I should stop worrying about not finding a job, part of me doesn’t believe them (even thought I really want to believe them). I’ve worked crazy hard over the past year. I’ve been networking my ass, applying for lots and lots of jobs, going on informational interviews, going to professional conferences, tweaking my resume, building a new website all working towards getting a fucking job.
Unfortunately, I’m one among 100’s (I know, I harass HR managers) of new graduates, and older experienced displaced workers going after the same very limited job pool. So my goal has changed, and I’m piecing together a couple of entrepreneurial ventures with my friends and classmates. And I’m really excited about them. But I’m rather scared shitless.
When I tell folks about the consulting and the promotions and the party planning, they tend to get really excited. And the more excited they get the more scared I get.
What if I fuck it up? What if I’m not as awesome as everyone thinks I am?
Tonight I finally asked the GF why she keeps telling me that I’m going to be fine. She said the proof is in the pudding. Over and over, she said, she’s seen me make something out of nothing. She’s seen me hustle.
She said,
I would trust you to make a great cake because I’ve seen you make cakes and I’ve tasted your cake in the past so I don’t worry about your capacity to make good cake in the future.
I make good cake, huh?
I giggled at her metaphors (all food related, since we’re dieting), but I think she’s on the money.
I am a diva (which is the female version of a hustler). I’m seriously not going to be left penniless, homeless and hungry. I have always had a plan. And I bought a domain name just in case. I go through my school notes, and they are filled with business plans, and funding sources, and potential partners. And I built a beautiful vision board with all my goals on it, and you can’t go wrong with a vision board. I’m thinking about tumblring my vision board so you guys can see. It’s SO awesome, and I love it.
I’m still scared shitless, but I’m not letting my fear stop me from moving forward. In fact, I think my fear propels me forward.
When my mama says she’s praying and my bosses tell me I’m great, and I interview with managers who tell me that they wish they had the money to hire me (but they don’t and they can’t), and the GF tells me that she’s not riding my anxiety train……
I’m going to take a deep breath. I’m going to smile. I’m going to nod and agree with them. Then I’m going to double time it with my business ventures so that I don’t let all these wonderful people down.
How do you deal with fear and insecurity?
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Posted by Susan Pogorzelski
May 7, 2009 @ 2:46 pm
Monica-
I love this post. Love it. And I have to tell you that I am so proud of you for everything that you have accomplished and everything that you will accomplish. Because I know beyond a doubt that if you want it, you’ll do it. That’s what’s so awesome about you.
And this: “I’m still scared shitless, but I’m not letting my fear stop me from moving forward. In fact, I think my fear propels me forward.”
Something I’ve learned — and am still in the process of learning — is that there is always fear…small fears, big fears, irrational fears. They make us sweat, make us doubt, make us second-guess ourselves and our abilities. But the idea is one you’ve already got covered: keep moving forward. I hope it’s something that you always remember because it’s something that is so powerful — persistence and ambition.
And don’t worry about letting people down…The only one you can really ever let down is yourself, but if you’re doing what you love, chasing dreams, just being yourself, then that’s what it’s worth. And if you’ve tried, that’s what matters.
Awesome post, you go!
Posted by admin
May 7, 2009 @ 2:53 pm
Awww, Susan you are so sweet. Thank you for your compliments. I love that I can write something that’s so personal and find that other people can relate to my issues.
If I’ve learned anything in my work and academic careers its that persistence pays. If I keep moving and keep pushing and focus on my dreams…. and do what makes me happy, then everything will fall into place.
(its just hella scary in the meantime)
Posted by Dorothy
May 7, 2009 @ 3:21 pm
Monica,
I feel the same way! I’m about to embark on my career and I’m afraid! Unlike you, I don’t have much of a plan (when people ask me I say I’d like to try everything…) and I don’t know what I’m looking for.
Any advice for a lost soul?
Dorothy’s last blog post..x
Posted by admin
May 7, 2009 @ 3:58 pm
@Dorothy: Giving advice is one of my favorite things to do! And girl, every time I think of you, I think of photography! You should be doing something with that! Your flickr stuff is awesome
Otherwise, what have you been studying? What did you like most in terms of past work and academic stuff? Whose career are you most jealous of? Where do you want to be in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? What do you need to do, learn, gain to get there?
Once you’ve answered those questions, you formulate your plan. (planning is important!!!) My life coach Jenny Ferry, would be perfect for you. She’s helped me out tremendously! Google her or check out her link in the post.
Also, feel free to contact me monicarol.evans (at) gmail.com to talk further.
Posted by Secret Agent “CT”
May 8, 2009 @ 2:08 pm
Hi new friend Monica,
I just told you that you are awesome too. Funny. I don’t know you but I think that “you can do it”! You seem to have a go get ‘em attitude and that’s what you need to be an event planner. Trust yourself/other people when they say you can because come on – you can!
Candice
Posted by admin
May 8, 2009 @ 2:14 pm
Hi new friend Candice
It is awesome to meet you. I love your comments on Marie’s blog and I’m so glad that you came to visit me here!
Posted by Who I’m crushing on… « McKinney-Oates Cereal
August 31, 2009 @ 5:46 pm
[...] heart Monica at Life in the Middle Lane. I don’t know if it’s her beautiful smile, her “I can do it!” attitude balanced with “What on earth am I doing?” humility, or just that she has an intense [...]