This economy is crappy.  It’s March and I don’t have a job yet.

This is not the way I envisioned my life 3 months before graduation.  I sincerely thought I would AT LEAST have some serious leads about jobs.

But nope, it’s like 2003 all over again. I’m graduating and there are no jobs to be had.

I came to graduate school to advance my career.  But instead, I feel like I’m going to be stuck in a job like the one I left, or worse, completely jobless. Both which would suck in so many ways.

And I can’t stop asking myself, “What was the point?” Don’t get me wrong. I have gotten so much from graduate school. The much needed friendships and the sense of purpose that I’ve forged over the past two years are priceless. But when I look at my job prospects, I think I may have slid down the career ladder, instead of skipping up a few notches.

If I can’t get ahead in my career, then MPA School was 2 years of fun on the playground.

I spend hours a day looking at job announcements, applying for jobs, and working on my network. Wanna know what I get for my trouble? A growing stack of rejection letters.

And today I overheard a professor saying that my class shouldn’t expect to have jobs by May.  She said that December was a more realistic goal.

WHAT?!?!

Who has the time, patience, and most importantly, money to be jobless for an extended period of time?  I don’t even think we qualify for unemployment, since we haven’t been fired.

And who has the sanity to deal with the constant barrage of, “We’re sorry, but you’re just not good enough for this organization.”

I get so freaked out thinking about not having a job that I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.

I’m using my Spring Break to go out to California, and knock on some doors.

Basically the thought of being jobless is SO SCARY that it trumps the fear of traveling to Cali alone (which I’ve never done).  It trumps the fear and tediousness of setting up blind informational interviews (without letting secretaries transfer me to HR).  It trumps the fear of potentially getting thrown out of a whole list of city managers’ offices and pissing someone off. It trumps the fear of being foolish getting laughed out of town. It trumps the fear of cornering the mayor of San Francisco (it is on my itinerary) and convincing him that he NEEDS me on his staff.

The fear of not getting what I want (my dream job) is so strong that it gives me the strength to do other things that would otherwise make me nervous and sweaty.  I’d rather go and fail than not try at all.

I think the odds are in my favor, however.  When I think about the past few jobs I’ve had, this approach has served me well.  My past successes have been during those times where I’ve walked up to someone (literally) and told them why they needed to hire me (and not the dozens of applications that I’d completed).

I had someone who I think is REALLY f-ing smart remind me earlier this week, when I was in the midst of a breakdown, that good things tend to happen to me.  She told me to calm down, regroup and make a plan.  She, and others, keep telling me that it’s still early and I shouldn’t be worried about not finding a job.

Unfortunately, my worry just can’t be turned off. But I did regroup, get myself together, and make a plan.

On Sunday, off I go to California.

To take control of my future, and guerilla my way into a job.