November 20, 2008 @ 3:19 am
I’m hating on poets
I like to surround myself with creative people.
In the past, I would have said that I like to surround myself with creative people because I don’t have a creative bone in my body.
I now know that this is not true. I do stuff.
However, while I accept my creativity, I have to keep it real. My creativity manifests mostly in my thought process, rather than in a physical form. I still can’t draw worth a damn. My paintings are all rather abstract (even when I don’t want them to be). My short stories have minimal plot (they are more like scenes than stories). And while my poems are the bomb (if I do say so myself), they are few and far between. And it has been far, far too long since I wrote anythng worth showing folks.
And that is why I’m hating on poets.
On Monday, I went to a spoken word thing. I call it a “thing” because it wasn’t a slam or a competition, so I don’t know how to catergorize it. And for you local Triangle peeps, come bless the mic and tell me when so I can come clap for you. (Its every Monday night)
So.
This poetry thing was in Chapel Hill and was a very different experience from the Atlanta and Durham poetry things that I have gone to in the past.
Let me explain.
My Atlanta experience with poetry things has been really gay. Mostly women speaking on how much they love women and all the reasons why they love women and all the ways they love women.
And in Durham, the poetry things are rather militant and political. They talk about revolutions, and overthrowing the government, and smoking weed and embracing diversity.
Monday, the poets were mostly college kids, idealistic, sugary. They lacked the life experience to really talk about anything that makes you wanna holla. Some of the “deepness” seemed forced or contrived. Their pieces didn’t evoke any lasting emotion. There were a couple of times that I may have even snickered and thought, What the hell are they talking about?
But even in the midst of that, there were flashes of brilliance. Some of those kids had skills. They had word play, they had depth, they made me think, they made me listen. They made me jealous.
They had the gift. They were real poets, speaking of experience beyond their time, making me feel some kinda way.
That’s why I hate on poets.
I’m jealous of the way poets see and are in tune with people, situations, circumstances, emotions. Poets tell us how we feel. They tell our stories. Its like they know us (all of us) And then they have the nerve to add rhyme? Yep, I’m hating. ‘Cause I’m jealous.
I remember (in my younger years) when I could sit down with a pen and a notepad and the words would just…flow. And I would surprise myself.
And Monday, as I listened to these kids, I was reminded of my younger self, with my half-boiled, just below the surface emotions that I carried on my sleeve, and I was sad for me.
Young Monica was a poet. She could take a situation, (even an ugly one) flip that ish and make her momma say, where you copy that from? (True story)
Now, I don’t even know what I do. I’m hard. Cynical. Blah. Sometimes I think I’m sleepwalking. And I’m definitely not writing any poetry.
I’ve lost something. I’v ignored my sensitivity. I’ve ignored my humanity. Not is the sense that I don’t care about the world, ’cause I do care. But I look at life at an arm’s length. I don’t let anything get too close.
And its hard to write about emotional sh!t when you keep your emotions all locked up.
Monday, I took notes at the poetry thing. When someone said something that spoke to me, I wrote it down. Don’t know what I’m going to do yet. But I’m going to do something. Dammit.
I couldn’t sleep Monday night. I tossed and turned and wrote poetry in my dreams. Then I got up Tuesday and I couldn’t remember any of it. I would have felt better had I just sat up and let my pen work. *sigh
I gotta strengthen my flabby poetic muscles.
I’m going to keep going to poetry things. I’m going to let the gf give me painting lessons (and writing exercises) and I’m going to shake the dust off my raw emotion and let it out. I’m going to take more opportunities to think poetically.
Because I’m sick of hating on the poets and their ability to twist vocabulary in a way that makes my soul ache.
Sh!t, I used to be able to do the same thing.
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Posted by Naturally Alise
November 20, 2008 @ 1:19 pm
You know this is a topic I had to come speak on. I am different from you, I don’t hate on poets. I generally actually HATE most poets. I hate the contrived people that make what is so real and passionate to me and sully it with their shenanigans. Kind of how a seasoned musician feels when they hear a T-Pain track… I know about that event you speak of in Chapel Hill, but do you know why I don’t go to it? It is a narcissistic thing: They only let you perform 1 or 2 pieces. booooo… Have you read my poet Hate Piece? Well if you haven’t check it out: http://liffy.blogspot.com/2008/10/fck-poets.html
Lovely post, I had no idea you wrote poetry, I learn something everyday.
Posted by twentyorsomething
November 20, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
Monica,
I love your post, but I’m going to comment on it from another direction…When you say that you feel like you’ve lost that younger you, that you’ve become “hard” and “cynical,” I wanted to jump up and raise my hand and yell “me too!” In college I took a bunch of creative writing (fiction and poetry) workshops, was constantly surrounded by creative people through leadership roles, and had encouragement from published creative people. The writing flowed and the energy was high. But then I graduated and took a job at a bank. A bank! With, like, numbers and stuff. Suffice it to say, my creativity was squashed, I had no motivation to write, and even if I wanted to, the words just weren’t coming as freely as in the past.
This is a huge deal for me because writing has always been my greatest passion, my driving force, a huge part of me. When I lost that, I lost part of myself. Slowly I began taking steps to correct that — I found a job in communications for awhile, which got me back to writing, and bit by bit the creative side of me emerged again.
Take those steps — put pen to paper, fingers to typepad. Whichever way you do it, just start writing and don’t worry if it’s good or bad — that’s all relative. The important part is getting back into the groove, putting your emotions and thoughts into some kind of outlet, even if it’s for yourself. Who knows — maybe someday soon, you’ll be the one on a stage, inspiring someone else in the audience to reunite with their own inner poet.
Posted by Alix
November 20, 2008 @ 3:55 pm
I hate on poets too. Every so often I can sit down and grind out a poem, but it takes so much out of me, it gives me a headache. There aren’t places I can go and read my short story, but they get to be all cool on stage? It’s not fair!
There are plenty of non-gay poetry spots in Atlanta. The guys often end up talking about how they do their girls though…Which is why I avoid those spots, lol…
Posted by Monica
November 20, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
@Naturally Alise: I didn’t know that the Mansion only lets you read one or two pieces. There was a featured artist and she did like 8 pieces and she sang.
@TwentyorSomething: Your comment brought tears to my eyes! I so hope that writing starts to be as easy as you said. Last night (or this morning) I started thinking about poem titles. Lets hope I get inspired to write the poems to match!
I’m shaking my head at you for working at a bank. Ha! I couldn’t get myself hired at a bank. I instead lost my soul at a elementary school.
@Alix: Poetry doesn’t make my head hurt, I just stare and the plain paper and curse. LOL.
And I love lesbian spoken word. Something about a bunch of women talking about loving women, and all the ways they love women and the special things they do, just does something for me….
I’m not that into male poets. (I’m sexist)
Posted by Rebecca
November 20, 2008 @ 7:18 pm
A friend of mine tells me every time I see her, “You’re good at relationships.” When it’s obvious by today’s post that I don’t feel that way. But it helps.
“I tossed and turned and wrote poetry in my dreams.” Beautiful. You’re a good poet.
Posted by Deepdiva
November 20, 2008 @ 10:47 pm
I don’t know what it is about life that makes us lose the creativity we have as children. When I was about 8, I remember sitting on curb writing poetry about nature and everything around me. Now I only write it when the mood strikes me – which isn’t that often.
Posted by Naturally Alise
November 21, 2008 @ 12:44 am
@ monica, the features do more pieces, but I am talking about the general open mic-ers, I have heard of places with time limits, but not piece limits, most of my pieces are not rambling tomes so I’d barely get a real chance to showcase what I’ve got and there is a bit of a list for features… but wherever I go is gonna have an awesome poetry scene so I don’t have one or two choices of where to go, another reason this Cubicle Crusader wants to be out!
Posted by DPaul
November 21, 2008 @ 1:06 am
Since I’ll now be texting Monica with all my poetic thoughts for her to record in her new digital, I’m expecting my creativity to blossom. As it is now, I generally get on a kick and furiously type something out & then promptly delete it. Some of my ranting winds up on my blog, which is brand new, but I’m still baffled by creative people. I deal with numbers all day and it’s hard to transition. Come visit.
Posted by ladybugsmile
November 21, 2008 @ 3:22 am
Do we just lose our creativity when we get oler. Maybe it’s due to the hassles of reality that drain us of our good powers. When we were younger, we didn’t have a care in the world. What we imagined and what we envisioned was easy to produce whether in drawing form, poetry, literature, and so on. I don’t hate on poets, but I do get a few chuckles in as I reminisce over the times when I once thought myself to be a poet. My poems were sugary too and I tried hard to make them deep like the sea. LOL. But each day, I pray to strengthen my creativity and to bring me back to that place where dreaming in color was a regular occurrence and where reality didn’t take hold of my total psyche.
Posted by Dorothy
November 22, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
Maybe you’re just channeling your energy into something different (mainly blogging), but I too see hints of poetry here and there in your blogs. When it all comes flowing back, I’d love to read more!
Posted by Ro
November 24, 2008 @ 6:44 pm
I remember being 8 years old creating children’s books. I’m talking going to micheals and buying blank books with blank covers and creating the stories and drawing the pictures and reading them to my bible study class. LOL… I used to have stacks of notebooks with random poems about any and everything. I had so many that my mom read one poem and I was grounded…she thought it was my math notebook and wanted to check my homework, instead found a poem about how much I hate my sister..lmao!! It used to baffle me when everyone would read something I wrote and be amazed…and I’m sitting there thinking like “i don’t get it, it was just how i was feeling at the time”. Now, I would give anything to have that back. I started my blog in hopes of reigniting that creative fire in me, but so far…not much blips on my radar. I have fallen behind the vail of vulnerability that time and life experiences brings and I’m not sure how far from under it I want to go. I’m taking baby steps…
I do not sit in front of a piece of paper though I do keep a mini notepad with me for when inspiration hits.
Do I hate poets….no not really. I do despise those who use their poetry to get the pantys…ran into so many of those types of people…it’s disgusting. I like going to poetry nights, most times, I don’t hear anything worth making my ears tingle, but there’s always that off chance you do…and then I feel like the world is a little more balanced!!
Sorry about the novel that is my response…but it is a very good topic.
Posted by Monica
November 24, 2008 @ 9:10 pm
Wow. I have some catching up to do!
@Rebecca: Thank you! I try to throw in something mildly poetic when I can.
@DeepDiva and @Ladybugsmile:I don’t know why that is…. I think there is a point when writing (and being expressive) is seen as a good thing and then something shifts and creativity is squashed. I know that for me, being good at math and science were seen as assets. And since I struggled with those subjects, I spend a lot of time working on those, rather than working on my strengths (reading, writing, analysis).
We can get back to those days when we were free to be ourselves and do what feels good. It just takes some effort.
@Dorothy: You are right, I do channel some creativity (or at least me writing) into this blog. As i start working on more poetry, I will start posting it.
@Ro: Thanks for your response. I too, get a little long-winded
I collect notebooks, as well! My sister and mother called me this summer laughing at some journals that they found of mine….some of us are just writers at heart. Keep trying the poetry will come.
@DPaul: I truly do send myself text messages full of ideas, for the blog, for my school papers, for poems. And I have to get the money together to buy the digital recorder!