Life in the Middle Lane

I’m applying for a fellowship that requires that I write a personal statement.  In a week or two, I’m actually going to post the final product.

I’ve had to write a few personal statements over the years, for undergrad, and during the application process for law school and graduate school.  Each personal statement is a little different, and I like to draw on different experiences to create a vision of myself that makes people want to pick me for their program.

In this case, my personal statement is a big component of whether I am accepted into this fellowship program.  And entrance into the fellowship program will open doors for multiple interviews with local governments throughout the United States.  It’s kind of a big deal, and I want to show myself to be the awesome leader that I am.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking (more than usual) what it means to be a good leader, and I am always on the lookout for my leadership in action. Today, I was able, within a 20 time span to get a glimpse of Monica-The Leader.

The following conversations with my classmates simulated (in my mind at least) what I would be like as a manager.  The personal insight into these conversations also made me realize how much I depend on my soft skills. They reminded me of the importance of context when making decisions. And it brought to my attention some potential weaknesses in my leadership style.

A classmate in another department called me and said the following:

Him: Monica, I’m exhausted. I’ve been working on blah, blah, blah project and I really want to go to bed. Do you know of anything happening in class today that I NEED to be there for?

Me: Honey, I don’t know what we are doing in class, but it doesn’t matter. Go home. Go to bed, if anything important happens in class, I’ll send you an email.

Him: I thought that would be your answer, that’s why I called you (instead of our other classmate, S).

Me: Ha! You knew I would give you a pass! Hmmm, what does that say about me…. Okay, love, go home, sleep well.

Then I had a conversation with another classmate about a problem she was having getting in touch with a government hack. She asked me for guidance and advice.

Her: I’ve been trying to get in touch with this government bureaucrat about XYZ policy for a paper I’m writing, but he isn’t responding to my email. It’s weird, he responds to my other email about other stuff. We’ve been corresponding for weeks.

Me: He doesn’t want to talk you about xyz. XYZ policy, if implemented, will increase his workload.  If you want to talk to him, you have to call him and bully him into telling you what he thinks about XYZ. He’s not going to respond to your email on this topic. You also need to come to terms with the idea that he won’t talk to you about this. It’s too much of a political hot potato for him.

Her: If my finding is that the government employees don’t want this policy, then it is going to make someone angry.

Me: You are going to make someone angry. Get used to it and get over it. It’s your job to get the truth, not to worry about who gets mad about it.

These conversations made me think about what kind of leader am I? Am I the kind of leader that shows compassion for folks (even when I suspect that my classmate was up late last time because he waited to the last minute to get something done).

Or am I the kind of leader that expects folks to suck it up, and do what they are supposed to do, and make the tough decisions?

Hmmm.

Empathy

Reflecting on how my classmate in the first conversation made me reevaluate how others see me.  I generally see myself as a hard-ass. I even had a professor (or two) comment on how they wouldn’t want want work for me.  I demand excellence, in myself and in others. And I don’t give breaks….or do I?

Thinking that I could potentially be seen as a softie was a huge blow to my perceived management style.  But when I think about how I deal with real people, I see a myriad of examples where I cut other people slack. (Maybe I’m not such a meanie, after all)

I apparently have a huge capacity for empathy – when the situation warrants it.  I have often found myself, the day after pulling an all-nighter, needing to go home and recharge.  I understood his situation, and I knew that it would be better for him (and me) if he got some sleep today.

In the real world, would I have been so forgiving if it were female employee telling me her kid was up all night sick and she needed to take some time off? Of course.

What if an employee took a day off to play video games? Probably not.

Intuitiveness

On the other hand, in the second situation, I wasn’t willing to let my classmate off the hook. I knew it was in the best interest of her paper to get the truth from that government hack.  I knew he was ignoring her because she was asking a question that he didn’t want to answer.

I was able to motivate her to keep digging and I was able to read between the lines quickly to figure out what the issue was and give her suggestions on how to go about fixing it.

Soft Skills

Leadership is more than having the right answer. It is more than being the best at Excel or some fancy design software or being able to do the best regression analysis.

Leadership comes down to people.

I worry that as I apply for jobs, my strengths, those soft skills like intuition and empathy, aren’t going to be as well received as some other MPAer how spent the last year and a half actually learning statistics, and excel and GIS. (bleh)

I spend the last year and a half learning about people. I’ve learned how to motivate and negotiate. I’ve learned how to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of others (and help others to be successful). I’ve learned how to connect differing ideas into a workable plan. I’ve learned how to deal with weirdo personalities. I’ve learned how to pick good team members, and when that fails, I’ve learned how to work in the most jacked-up team ever. I’ve learned to listen and give good advice.  I’ve learned to do small talk, and get people to like me.

And when it all boils down, people like me should will be running the show anyway.  As my colleagues and I make our way up the career ladder, it won’t take long to separate the idea leaders from the task leaders. (And there is nothing wrong with being a task leader. You just shouldn’t be leading people. You should be doing your tasks.)

But I truly consider myself a big idea person. I don’t care how something gets done. Just do it.

So when interviewers ask me about my strengths the challenge for me will be, not only tell them my strengths, but also why those skills matter. And why they should hire me. Immediately.

I mean, anyone can learn budgeting or finance or statistical analysis, but not everyone can deal with people.