I’m having problems with attachment or detachment or oh, screw it, I’m having money problems!

Of course, said money problems stem primarily from the fact that I have had to maintain two addresses this summer, as I am living in Atlanta (almost rent free, thanks, hon!) during my internship while also keeping my apartment in North Carolina. Also, I have a shopping habit. It’s not that I manically buy stuff. That would be easy to fix. It’s the accumulation of all the little stuff that I buy.

I’m talking shoes and clothes, which I usually can talk myself out of, but this summer I’ve bought a few pieces. I’m talking about books, because my poor ass is a compulsive book buyer. I’m talking about the drinks (‘nuff said) and the dinners out. Bottom line: my checking account hemorrhages cash, and leaves me with nothing to show for it (except my books).

I talk about saving… and I do save. One of the reasons that I have been able to live in Atlanta this summer is because I had (notice HAD) a little something set aside. I’ve dripped it just about dry.

But none of that is the point of this post. I really have been thinking about how materialistic I could be if I gave in and bought all the clothes, shoes, electronics and other goodies that I really, really want. (I mean, I have a friend that works at Neiman Marcus and sells prada bags.)

I know I don’t need any of that crap, and I try to make myself stop wanting it and that just makes me sad. Because in my mind, there is no reason why I shouldn’t have all the things that I want. And it makes me discouraged that I have to leave the shiny, pretty things in the store or on Amazon.com.

So I try to detach. I try to fool myself into thinking that I’m better than all the people with iphones and new high heels and $10 martinis and that I’m better off without it. I try to fool myself into thinking that my life is better and fuller without all the gadgets and gizmos. I mean, I live rather nomadically, and when you are a nomad less is better (and lighter). And I don’t want to be tied down with all this stuff, do I? Hmmmm.

See that is the conumdrum (also the name of my favorite white wine) How do I reconcile the part of me that really wants to drive a lexus, live in a high rise condo, and have a 20 inch iMac with the really simple me that knows that all of that is just stuff? I mean, there are days when my little Corolla is perfect and all I want to do is be a beach bum bartender that makes just enough to pay the rent and the cell phone and drinks fruity rum drinks on the beach all day.

And until I figure out how to solve this problem, I’ll watch my bank account dwindle.

Oh and by the way, if you have ever dated/loved/known a Sagittarius you know that this (personal money mismanagement) is a common problem and we really just can’t help ourselves. But I’m working on it.

[Correction: On further inspection of my summer spending habits; I have discovered that it is not Wal-mart, Target, Old Navy, Banana Republic or any mall boutique or bookstore that has taken all my money. It is f*cking Kroger (groceries) and Costco (gas). And a girl has to eat and get to work, so what's a frugal gal (wannabe) to do?]